Twitter’s war on free speech and the greatest Twitter account ever

Twitter BarfAlthough #TheTriggering produced a lot of fantastic material, I didn’t see anything that could hold a candle to The Duckopoulos (@jokeocracy). Even though it’s already been done on other sites I want to keep our own local archive of this fantastic material.

Despite Twitter’s flaming faggotry in appointing people like Anita Sarkeesian to their “Trust and Safety Council”, it appears the internet is taking a stand against censorship. Cheers to that!

Now, if you haven’t already read them, enjoy the genius of The Duck!

The Duckopoulos (@jokeocracy)

but if trump walked a few blocks over to 8th ave he could blow up the NYT building in the middle of the workday and gain millions of votes

i’m not saying i personally support violent terrorism against the american media establishment but i do kinda wish everyone else would

personally i would never do anything violent to journalists but if someone else did i would demand that we recognize their legit grievances

plz report me for violent threats against the american journalistic establishment, i want to be banned forever so i can ascend to valhalla

in other words: “please donate to help me take out the @nytimes”

i will troll eternal in valhalla, shiny and chrome witness me brothers

*duck fills this twitter account with gasoline* *duck ignites road flare*

after the dawning of the thousand year trumpenreich, #MeetThePress will just be sixty minutes of public executions with no commercial breaks

barack obama has killed 100s of ppl with drones & president trump should continue that policy after modifying the target selection process

dear @BillKristol do you think president trump will have you executed? and if he does do you think you could get me a spectators ticket?

dear @krauthammer do you prefer hanging or electrocution? i think president trump should try that mortar thing that kim jong un invented

dear @AmandaMarcotte are you going to commit suicide when president trump gets elected? is there anything i can do to help?

let’s play a game, DM me a journalist’s twitter and i’ll tell them which method of execution President Trump will use on them

dear @JessicaValenti will you be upset when president trump has you hanged and no one shouts anything complimentary about your ass?

dear @Nero president trump commutes your death sentence to life imprisonment in the blackest cellblock in alabama, you’re welcome

actually president trump is all set to name chuck johnson as his press secretary slash chief executioner so he’s not eligible, sorry

dear @DLoesch since you love the 2nd amendment president trump has gracefully assented to executing you by firing squad, peace be upon him

dear @thelindywest in his beneficence president trump will put a huge price on your head so you can finally know the feel of men pursuing u

dear @ezraklein @mattyglesias @markos @dylanmatt @Max_Fisher president trump has an election gift for each of you

dear @hardball_chris after president trump is elected that tingle will be urine trickling down your leg while you twist on the end of a rope

dear @ShaunKing president trump will publish your @23andMeresults so you die of embarrassment from being proven white

dear @andersoncooper president trump is going to put you back in the closet and then throw the closet off the roof of a building

dear @samfbiddle president trump is going to hire you to be the official white house pinata until you expire gracelessly #BringBackBullying

dear @RichLowry when president trump takes office you’re going to jail for tax evasion & a soft white boy like u won’t last a month in thurr

dear @femfreq when president trump takes over we’re gonna invent VR and sentence you to life imprisonment as a stripper in a duke nukem game

dear @piersmorgan president trump would like to invite you to his inauguration, we’ve reserved a spot for your head on one of the VIP pikes

*@JonahNRO ascends gallows* “don’t blame me, i voted for kodos!” *no one laughs at his simpsons reference* *trapdoor opens* *crowd applauds*

dear @FareedZakaria president trump is going to have you executed but we’ll just copy a method we used previously on a better journalist

dear @iamjohnoliver as president trump slips the noose lovingly around your neck he will lean in and softly whisper in your ear, “it’s 2016”

dear @maddow president trump is going to execute you at a cubs day game because you remind him of that kid from ferris bueller’s day off

dear @oreillyfactor president trump is not going to bother to rehearse your execution, he’s just going to say FUCK IT WE’LL DO IT LIVE

dear @sallykohn president trump wants you to know that ur not being executed for being a gay woman, it’s because you’re an ugly gay woman

dear @glennbeck president trump is going to execute u for crying, in the trumpenreich there are very strict rules against crying in politics

dear @ariannahuff president trump is going to deport u to whatever made up country it is you pretend that fake accent is from via catapult

dear @WesleyLowery will it count as a lynching when president trump passes the Hang Wesley Lowery From A Tree Act? sounds pretty legal to me

dear @EWErickson when president trump hangs you and you’re kicking and struggling to breathe, ur face will be in a very ‘red state’, get it?

dear @thecjpearson president trump would like to offer you a helicopter ride! come on no don’t worry you don’t need a seatbelt or anything

dear @charlescwcooke president trump spares you since after the @NRO meltdown you’ll never work again anyway and slow starvation amuses us

jimmy c (@JimCoughlin7): @jokeocracy @charlescwcooke. even more alarming than the success of Mr Trump is his vulgar and ignorant supporters such as thus person

dear @ebruenig president trump is going to sentence you to be forcibly married to @rooshv which is intended to severely punish both of you

dear @HeerJeet we asked president trump how he’d like you executed and when he saw your picture he screamed and yelled WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

looking at the mastheads of shitlib sites i don’t recognize names, it’s almost like they just cycle free interns to produce cheap clickbait

Wolf Alpha Project (@WolfAlphaProjct): @jokeocracy @Cernovich They probably have clickbait sweatshops in China they outsource to. Child labor laws and such

@WolfAlphaProjct @Cernovich yeah one of the big sweatshops is called Columbia University School of Journalism

dear @BillSimmons president trump is going to behead you at center court in MSG and then sink your head from the 3 point line #NothingButNet

don’t be mad, obama got over 500 drone murders, president trump is just going to use his free murders on journalists & with a lot more style

dear @GeraldoRivera president trump is going to break your nose with his throwing chair style and deport you to al capone’s vault

dear @KarlRove president trump would like to invite you to have polonium sushi, uhh i mean, regular sushi with him for lunch tomorrow ok?

dear @joseiswriting president trump is going to deport you in 195 pieces & send 1 to each foreign country so at least 1 piece will be right

dear @cenkuygur president trump is going to genocide you like an armenian and then deny the shit out of it

dear @SabrinaRErdely president trump says not to worry you aren’t a real journalist

dear @TheRevAl president trump is going to lock you and @RevJJackson in a clothing store in hymietown and hit it with some jewish lightning

dear @Noahpinion president trump is going to type your execution order with his dick, it’s harder than it looks

haha sorry that was a private joke between @Noahpinion and i, we go way back

dear @CheriJacobus president trump is going to land a flying house on you and then steal your shoes

dear @chucktodd president trump is going to crush you alive in a giant meat press #MeatThePress

dear @arthur_affect president trump chu-chu-chooses you to be executed next, i really think your life may be in jeopardy

dear @PennyRed president trump says you’ll be caught in the blast when he nukes londonistan anyway so no special execution plans for you

dear @bennyjohnson president trump is gonna take credit for a listicle of 23 ways you should be executed that he stole from a clickbait site

dear @BarbaraJWalters president trump will skillfully evade your flying monkeys and dump a bucket of water on you

dear @KeithOlbermann president trump says you’re a loser and not even on TV so you didn’t make the cut for execution, sorry

dear @jbouie president trump is going to give you all 12 Years A Slave in only 3 months because his business experience increases efficiency

dear @KevinNR president trump is going to sit next to you at the theater & talk loudly on his cell phone until you’re driven mad with rage

dear @RosieGray president trump is planning to have you hit by a bus but he feels morally conflicted about the damage it might do to the bus

dear @CathyReisenwitz we’re making you slutwalk the plank, but president trump said you were a libertarian ten (that’s a regular woman 6.5)

dear @jack president trump is going to vine your public execution and loop it over and over and over again

dear @rickygervais president trump is going to crucify you, by which i mean he’s going to have you nailed to a cross shaped piece of wood

dear @BuzzFeedBen president trump is going to cut off your head with a buzz saw, ben

dear @nickgillespie president trump is going to make you attempt a waterski jump over a pool of blood-crazed @reason commenters

dear @ChrisLoesch president trump is going to execute your weird mustache for crimes against the tonsorial arts

dear @NickKristof president trump is going to sell you to somali pirates so you can get in and investigate human trafficking up close

Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof): Sounds good. Somalia has been under-covered.

@NickKristof how much do you think trump can get for you? you’re old and pretty useless, but he’s a tough negotiator

dear @NYTimeskrugman president trump is going to reduce the inequality between your ears with a desert eagle in the middle of 5th avenue

dear @NYTimesDowd president trump hereby sentences you to 40 cats and no husband *sad trumpet*

dear @jbarro president trump says to ask your famous economics dad about the future grandchildren returns on having a gay son

dear @ChrisCuomo president trump wanted to grant your choice of method but he doesn’t know what ‘autoerotic asphyxiation’ is so it’s hanging

dear @anildash president trump says to deport you to “feminist wackistan” we’ll get back to you when we figure out what country he means

dear @NYTFriedman, in an exotic locale, a foreign cabdriver will solemnly opine “president trump is gonna run you over with a steamroller”

Ricky Vaughn (@Ricky_Vaughn99): A long time ago @jokeocracy said, “you should stop trolling shitlibs so much and also troll conservatives,” and wow, it has paid dividends.

dear @shanley president trump is going to pay an azerbaijani tribesman 27 sheep and 3 cows to accept you as third wife

Gay Fantasy Island (@GayFantasyIsle): Are you sure that is enough? It seems a bit low for that headache. Maybe we should throw in some bacon?

dear @Trevornoah president trump is giving your daily show to an american and you’re going to be savagely mauled by some hungry lions

dear @KatTimpf president trump is going to make you watch star wars until your eyes bleed

dear @greggutfeld president trump says u were only funny when u were on so late no one watched u, so we’re gonna shoot you out of a cannon

dear @MaxBoot president trump is gonna put a boot up your ass and a double katana strike to your guts with a decapitation fatality bonus

the day after inauguration day, lower manhattan media offices hear Ride Of The Valkyries in the distance as president trump begins his work

attack choppers flying out of the sun the NYT building burning like a funeral pyre oh what a day what a lovely day

president trump will personally clear the @BuzzFeed offices room-by-room with an AK charlie hebdo style while streaming it on twitch

Piragon (@Sir_Piragon): I want a gopro on the AK barrel

mustard gas for the offices of @voxdotcom and a subcritical dirty bomb to make @Gawker uninhabitable for generations

40 tons of weight dropped on @Slate a neutron bomb dropped on @Salon

Nordic Scum (@Barbarian_Brad): if @jokeocracy goes down, I hope he will return as @DuckKnightRises

a positive vision for this country based on ultraviolence against the media establishment is a change the american people can all get behind

dear @LizMair president trump is going to make you get sex changed back into a girl and then drown you for being a witch

if we actually had a real democracy there’d be journalists trying to survive a horrific death sport instead of this pussy football crap

when crowds of armed men storm every news office in america and burn them to ash, we can start to imagine what freedom will look like

dear @jack i want to be very clear that i am explicitly calling for president trump to exercise his powers of extrajudicial execution on you

destroy @twitter abolish social media kill all journalists burn the universities execute bureaucrats make america great again

Grim Dark Future Hat (@ClarkHat): That’s a decent day one, but what’re we gonna do w the other 99 of the First Hundred Days?

a school shooting in every newsroom, is it really too much to ask for?

Hydro (@Morior_Rex): Blessed be Trump. Guide his hand, oh glorious savior and prophet, Memeophet.

my biggest fear about the coming revolution is the deaths of some people i hate may not be adequately captured in hi quality 1080p HD video

“duck, this is great, the anti-media brand is so strong” no i’m being serious, kill journalists, i really believe this is what we need to do

Count Nothingface (@CountNullFace): If you aren’t following @jokeocracy right now you absolutely should. He has a beautiful sense of justice.

dear @seanhannity president trump is going to fire you from @FoxNews and blight your potatoes so your mick family dies of the famine

if any of my tweets today lead to any actual violence against members of the media, i want to go on record as saying that’s fuckin hilarious

“oh but duck what if someone’s really hurt” hilarious “what if a journalist dies” i regret nothing

dear @mollycrabapple president trump is going to be putting a hefty tariff on black hair dye just so you start cutting yourself again

dear @FruzsE president trump will shave the heads of feminists & parade them in the streets to be pelted with rotten fruit by angry crowds

Alice Teller (@AliceTeller): I can’t bear to watch @jokeocracy go kamikazi. If you are stronger than I, the flames are magnificent.

@AliceTeller the fire rises

dear @jack and @deray after you ban me and i destroy your company i hope you two can retire to key west together and forget about all this

if you work security at a media company, i strongly suggest calling in sick the day after president trump is inaugurated, just a hunch

let’s burn atlanta, that’s where @CNN is

dear @KatrinaNation president trump is going to blow you up with a car bomb, because putin said that was hella fun and you’re pretty awful

dear @janehamsher president trump is going to set a pack of wild dogs to hound you wherever you go until they finally drag u down exhausted

dear @frankrichny president trump is going to have you flayed alive & will present your cured skin as a gift to the prime minister of zaire

dear @scalzi president trump is going to make you wear a dress, and later on we’ll figure out a punishment you’ll actually dislike

John Scalzi (@scalzi): I’m sure you thought that was terribly clever. Run along now! Shoo!

worst comeback ever @scalzi come on you’re a writer you’re supposed to have some wit motherfucker

I Love Carbs (@iLuvKarbs): @jokeocracy @scalzi is very limp wristed, definitely could not beat ronda rousey in an arm wrestling match

dear @ggreenwald president trump is going to drone the shit out of you, not because of snowden but just because you’re a fuckin drama queen

dear @ProfessorCrunk president trump needs a sassy fat black woman for his cabinet, do you have oprah’s number?

dear @davidfrum president trump is going to deport you to canada and then start an unnecessary war of choice with canada just to kill you

Outsideness (@Outsideness): @jokeocracy Freedom begins when all journalists are cowering behind pseudonyms and anime avatars.

Brannon (@Brannon1066): Everyone should read @jokeocracy before his inevitable twitter ban. God speed brother.

dear @Spacekatgal president trump will say ‘tranny what’s big deal about saying tranny, we can all say tranny’ and you’ll tranny your tranny

on monday january 25th please harass a journalist in my memory i regret i have but one twitter account to give in the service of my thede

dear @Sethrogen president trump will take away your weed and make you lift weights, it is a fate worse than death for you my friend

Obsidean Raven (@SpineyLobsters): @jokeocracy @Sethrogen maybe his wife will become interested in him again. #cuckrogen @Cernovich

*twitter support, monday morning* you have 2,675,384 messages “wtf”

dear @wilw president trump wants to feed you to the sarlacc pit and we tried to explain that’s a different franchise but he won’t be budged

dear @crampell et al president trump has cut a deal with @JeffBezos to launch all @washingtonpost writers on rockets into the sun, good luck

andy (@andyspid): i was trying to not tweet today but i need to recognize the alt-right martyr @jokeocracy before he is assassinated by twitter tonight

dear @feliciaday president trump is going to behead you with a battleax for preying on innocent nerds with your BS geek girl pose all career

dear @sacca president trump will buy @twitter for the change in his couch and send you and the entire board of directors to a FEMA camp

dear @GStephanopoulos president trump is going to make @Nero fight you to the death with bastard swords because there can be only one opoulos

Bud (@therepocode): And @GStephanopoulos will lose because he is just a low-T manlet and @Nero is *fabulous.*

if you think we can make america great again without killing a whole bunch of journalists i’ll listen but i have to say i’m not optimistic

the path to national greatness always has fuckheads in the way, that’s why it takes someone willing to roll their sleeves up & knock skulls

dear @leighalexander president trump says we don’t need to execute you because ur a fat alcoholic who will soon die of exposure in a gutter

dear @DRUDGE president trump says you’re “one of the good faggots”, so i guess you get a tentative pass on the execution thing

dear @morninggloria president trump is demanding a comprehensive succubi registration program on penalty of permanent planar banishment

TrumpHat (@TrumpHat): Be sure to Do Your Part and RT @jokeocracy tonight. He might get banned for what he’s doing but you can help spread it far and wide first.

dear @TheRickWilson president trump is gonna send seal team 6 to rappel down & give u an atomic wedgie & a pinkbelly streamed live on twitch

“a chicken in every pot, and a hellfire missile in every newsroom” #Trump2016

media: “aren’t these policies anti freedom of the press?” president trump: “you’re fired!” *journalist is set on fire by the secret service*

dear @exjon president trump will call you & offer you a job as press secretary & you’ll say “really?” & he’ll say “no you cuck” & hang up

End Cultural Marxism (@genophilia): Wow, @jokeocracy is on a twitter kamikaze mission. Estimated time before suspension? In his favor, Twitter is in turmoil tonight.

Nordic Scum (@Barbarian_Brad): @genophilia @jokeocracy oh…. that’s why he’s doing it now. smart. funny on a whole other level

dear @caitlindewey president trump has issued an executive order referring to you as ‘a heifer’ & demanding you be lassoed by FDA officials

Nordic Scum (@Barbarian_Brad): note that @jokeocracy hasn’t threatened anymore, just said what #Trump would do

dear @randileeharper president trump has taken pity on ur cause & he is signing legislation to return u to your habitat in the pacific ocean

KnifeBoot (@KnifeBoot): In the Great Triggering of 2016 @jokeocracy’s trigger levels surpassed even the great master shitlord Genghis Khan’s.

dear @brendanloy president trump says you’re on the fuckin list boyo

dear @StephenAtHome president trump says you were better when you pretended to be stupid than you are at pretending to be smart, hanging

dear @davidharsanyi @bdomenech @MZHemingway @Tracinskipresident trump is hereby federalizing ur organs for national security reasons & lulz

dear @secupp president trump finds your lack of faith disturbing & as soon as he gets the hang of force choking you’re getting the first one

@CarolBlymire @ericjackson of course it’s @deray it’ll be so much easier for @jack and he to have quickies when they’re co-workers

Eric Jackson (@erickjackson): Twitter to appoint a “high profile media personality” as director tomorrow

@CarolBlymire @ericjackson of course it’s @deray it’ll be so much easier for @jack and he to have quickies when they’re co-workers

dear @sullydish president trump is going to start substituting ovaltine for your aids drugs and let you expire gay naturally at 52 years old

dear @jason_pontin president trump doesn’t know who you are but he’s going to let the MIT tech bros draw and quarter you with robot horses

@jason_pontin we’re hoping they can balance the forces perfectly and pop all 4 of your limbs off simultaneously, it’s quite a challenge

Jason Pontin (@jason_pontin): @jokeocracy Sure, but what have I done wrong?

@jason_pontin just your general fagginess

Jason Pontin (@jason_pontin): @jokeocracy OK, but I’m not the only. You want general fagginess, check out @Nero.

St. Rev. Dr. Rev (@St_Rev): Meanwhile, at Twitter HQ: “Good night, @jokeocracy. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

Kye Gnosis (@KyeGnosis): This duck is relentless. Displaying the attitude we should all have. No mercy. Kill the traitors.

Deadlock Victim (@DeadlockVictim): If @jokeocracy’s account survives the night, I’m not going to be concerned with getting banned for trolling public figures again. #AltRight

Anatoly Karlin (@akarlin88): So looks like @jokeocracy has basically suicide bombed himself out of Twitter. Though the fuse is taking longer to burn out than expected…

Alice Teller (@AliceTeller): I searched through the dawn’s early light and @jokeocracy is still gallantly streaming! They can’t defeat the Duck!

Andrew Auernheimer (@rabite): @AliceTeller @jokeocracy and the tweets had such flair
shitlibs bursting in care gave proof through the night that our duck was still there.

that awkward breakfast the morning after your botched execution when there’s not enough pancakes to go around

@twitter took away @Nero’s checkmark & their stock collapsed, they’re probably afraid if they off The Duck they’ll lose another 10 points

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