Most of them anyway. As a group, you will not find a bigger bunch of a cock sucking, scumbag hypocrites than Hollywood celebrities (not to mention a big chunk of big name musicians like Bono too). They’re always bitching and moaning about how unfair the world is, how corrupt it is, the evils of big corporations, the poor starving children in Africa, on and on and on in an endless stream of loose, liquidy, odoriferous, projectile, verbal diarrhea. They just love to get up on their soapboxes, complain, berate and even “threaten” all of us that they will leave the country if [insert random election] doesn’t go their way. First of all, why should anybody give a shit if some asshole celebrity changes their place of residence? But additionally, what loud mouthed celebrity has ever made good on the threat to leave the country if an election doesn’t go their way? I can’t remember one, but for sure 99 out of 100 celebrities (and to be fair other ultra wealthy individuals) that leave the country do it quite ironically to dodge the taxes they so loudly advocate for the rest of us to pay.
There are so many things that make the typical ultra-leftwing, phony-touchy-feely everybody’s equal, socialist celebrity a nauseating, vomit-inducing hypocrite that I couldn’t possibly hope to cover them all. Before I begin though, I do have to disclaim that most phony ultra-rich philanthropists are guilty of all the same crimes as celebrities they’re just usually not quite so loud mouthed and self-righteous about it – of course there are always exceptions. Also, I don’t have a problem with being wealthy and spending your own money as you see fit (as long as you didn’t obtain it fraudulently like the cock suckers on Wall St) – the world isn’t fair and that sucks but I’m not prepared to significantly alter my lifestyle to try to correct it (it wouldn’t help anyway) and I’m not going to go on TV and tell others to do what I’m not prepared to do myself.
First and foremost, I rarely hear about one of the popular celebrity agitators for [insert any cause here] giving up a meaningful percentage of their net worth or significantly changing their lifestyle to support their cause. I’m sick and tired of hearing and reading meaningless fluff non-news pieces bubbling with enthusiasm over what a great humanitarian Bono is, for example. Fuck Bono, Bono is a billionaire now that lives in a castle and flies around in a private jet. Not only that but he made a big chunk of that money directly (not indirectly like many other celebrities which I’ll get to later on) in the same fashion as those evil Wall St. banksters some of his other celebrity buddies like complain about all the time. If he really thought it’s so unfair that so few people have so much and so many have so little he would live like a “normal” person on a few hundred thousand a year and give up all of those excess “unfair” resources his sitting on.
Any gift of money (or even time) ought to be measured in significance at least by the proportion it is of your total net worth (or total net free time). Or even better, and especially as you move into the ultra-wealthy category, you really ought to look at it in terms of a sacrifice in lifestyle. I mean honestly, if you’re worth a $1 billion and you give away $500 million what difference does it make? You might have to sell one of your limited edition, gold plated, Bugati Veyrons? You would need to cut back to a $25 million a year spending habit as opposed to $50 million? A billionaire giving away a million dollars is about as significant an act as the average schmuck dropping a handful of change in Salvation Army collection pot around the holidays a couple times a year. Although not a Hollywood celebrity, Mr. Al “Let’s reduce CO2 or we’re all going to die but never mind my private jet, fleet of SUVs and several mansions that require a private nuclear facility to power” Gore also comes to mind as a real poster child for the point I’m trying to illustrate here (thank god there actually is no such thing as man made global warming or “climate change”). That pretty much concludes point number one and for sure the average run of the mill super rich philanthropist (I’ll just continue use that euphemism because it’s shorter than typing out “very wealthy douchebag or douchebagette that pretends to actually care about a charitable/humanitarian cause”) is just as guilty on this point but just maybe not so flamboyantly and “in your face” as the average celebrity.
Moving forward I’d like to discuss what really makes celebrities stand out in terms of hypocrisy way above and beyond your average multi-millionaire heiress “philanthropist”: they seem to think it’s OK for them to get rich of this “system” that they think is so evil, unfair and produces so much inequality, pain, suffering, starvation, etc. in the world. Really they do. So many celebrities like that fat worthless piece of shit Michael Moore have such a problem with “capitalism” (never mind that we don’t have capitalism in the US right now, we have a scamocracy) but they always seem to have a little loophole in there that goes something like “unless it makes me $20 million when I make some shitty documentary full of half-truths and falsehoods and then I’ll sue my partners for more money cause that’s not enough, then capitalism is swell but only in this one specific situation for everybody else it’s evil“. I know I may sound repetitive here but it really takes a special kind of asshole to make a documentary railing against capitalism, purportedly advocating for the disadvantaged and then to make tens of millions of dollars selling it.
Honestly, do celebrities really think their fame and fortune is not deeply connected to the same bullshit system that is fucking over all the little people day in day out? Can they be that stupid? Even if they are, they are still egregious hypocrites for the lifestyles live. But, really can they be so stupid or are they just phony pieces of shit that don’t want to practice what they preach? Does any A-lister think that the $250 million dollar blockbuster they just netted a $20 million dollar pay check from came into existence without some big business and Wall street scumbags getting in on the action by helping with the financing or perhaps helping to securitize future revenues as they’ve done int he past for big names in music? They sure seem to enjoy spending those fraudulently printed, Ponzi scheme Federal Reserve Notes that are the root of so much suffering on meaningless overpriced designer trinkets, multiple homes, sports cars, yachts and more. They don’t have a problem with our “capitalist” big business system as long it benefits them. The real difference I see between celebrities and your average scumbag, phony baloney weekend philanthropist and weekday Wall St. bankster or fortune 500 CEO is this: they don’t rail against the system that made them rich. They don’t go spouting off on TV, radio or social networks talking about how evil all those assholes are in Hollywood for having so much money either. Why the double standard? Some celebrities are as wealthy or more wealthy than the rich corrupt business guys they love to hate so much. Truth be told it was that dumb cunt Cher that set me off on this rant. Cher’s net worth has been valued as high as $600 million and is currently estimated at over $300 million. Where does someone that’s not busy day and night donating at least 95% of that net worth to charitable and socialist causes get off berating Mitt Romney for being worth $250 million among many other things? Might I mention that if she thinks taxes are too low there is no law that says she can’t pay more, in fact the treasury is currently accepting donations to pay down the national debt. Seriously what a hypocritical whore! [Note: this is not a Romney endorsement – Obamney, Robama, no big difference in the long haul] Only in this fucked up, sick, disgusting society we have created for ourselves can there be 9 figure, hell even 10 figure with Bono now, net worth celebrities flying around in private jets whining about starving children in Africa and decrying the immorality of getting rich off big business capitalism all the while virtually nobody calls them out on their painfully obvious bullshit.
Hollywood celebrities have these “causes” as hobbies, to get more PR, to inflate their egos, to feel better about themselves and to get the press to fawn over them (as they all too often so willingly do). Celebrity activism is almost never an act of self sacrifice, it’s an act of personal gratification. Don’t get me wrong. I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with is when these assholes go on TV or jump up on stage and demand that their fans give more or when they bitch about how evil the system is that made them rich without giving back the lions share of the profits. To do otherwise is to say “it’s OK for me to benefit from this stacked deck of an economy we have but not you”. FUCK YOU! Until you give up your private jet, your yacht, your six beach houses and everything else required to put yourself on the same disposable income as I am don’t you dare tell me to do or give anything. I will give and do what I want and if that’s absolutely nothing that’s fine. It’s fine with me if you give and do nothing too but if you’re going to get up on a soap box you better be prepared to put your money with your mouth is. How about you donate all of your money and assets except for $100,000 per year? This puts you solidly in the top richest 1% in the world you like to bitch about so often (in fact it puts you in the top 0.3%). Don’t want to do that? Fine… but fuck you for telling me I should feel guilty about enjoying my own income (which is probably a quarterly shoe budget for you) and my own lifestyle while you publicly flaunt and enjoy your 8 (or even 9 or 10) figure lifestyle.
I would like to close this rant with a link to Maddox’s extremely poignant and extremely relevant article about Cameron Diaz and the assholes over at MTV: “I hate Cameron Diaz.”
Disclaimer: Just because I took some photos from a website that is decidedly conservative-Republican doesn’t mean I support those fuckwits either. The photos I selected are funny because they’re true. Liberals and conservatives are equally retarded for different reasons. Liberals are economically and fiscally retarded (spending, big government, welfare state, etc.) and conservatives are socially retarded (religion, pro-life, etc.). Be libertarian – it’s the only non-retarded choice.
Update 15-7-2012: With impeccable timing another Hollywood asshole that makes millions went off on an anti-capitalism tirade. Check it out, Joss Whedon
If you liked this article you’ll be sure to enjoy part deux here.