Looking at her, there’s nothing really special. Sure, she’s pretty hot usually, but not super hot, and not as hot as some other chicks you’ve been with. Nor is she necessarily the coolest, smartest or best in bed you’ve ever had. But something about her affects you like Kryptonite affects Superman. The single dude’s Achilles’ Heel. Look out for her, she’s the Dudestroyer.
Every now and then even the best of us get caught. It’s happened to me, it’s happened to Boris, it’s happened to Raul, and it’s pretty much happened everyone. It’s an inexplicable phenomenon, but every now and then the most put-together single dude gets involved with a woman who somehow has the ability to bring him to his knees. All of a sudden the single dude can’t follow for his own advice. He puts up with unacceptable treatment from this chick. He stops being able to go out with The Team. He loses sleep worrying about how things are going with her. He loses confidence in the rest of his life and dealings with other women. He can’t think straight. Even though she treats him like shit, she might even get him to buy that diamond and marry her. Then comes the years of hell at best and potentially longer. In short, some women have this strange power that gives her the ability to bring a normal cool single dude to his knees and suck the life out of him (and not in a good way).
You have to watch out for this woman.
Maybe some of you are saying, “No way, I’ll never fall for that, I’m way too put together.” But at the same time I know there’s many others nodding their heads remembering that totally bitchy mediocre girl that somehow managed to lead their formerly studly buddy around by the balls for years, or the one that is doing it to them now.
When I met Boris in a bar in Prague he was the Boris we know and love today, outgoing, effective, confident, ruthless and fearless. Our first Single Dude Travel trip to Belgrade later that summer was a clinic by him in working the room, effective social networking, and slaying of hot Serbian goddesses. Then he moved to Switzerland and in a fit of desperation due to the complete lack of quality chicks there (Swiss girls are a great example of chicks who think they’re way higher quality than they really are) he started seeing this crazy bitch from Switzerland. Less than a year later, he was a completely different person. Timid and depressed, his body language was negative and he walked around like a whipped dog. We went on a trip or two during this period and he was completely useless, unable to approach anyone and just generally morose and quiet.
Raul, who is the biggest stud of all of us dated the absolute worst woman in the world for six fucking years. I mean, this chick was the devil incarnate. Every time I talked to him on the phone for the last couple of years I told him, “Dude, you have to dump this chick, she is the spawn of Satan.” He would say, “I know, I know, I just can’t.” This is from the guy that has chicks regularly way hotter than she was just begging him for sex. But with her, he was a totally different guy, totally beta and generally just a real pussy. Even the way he talked on the phone with her reflected this; he would talk to her in a soft, gentle, quiet voice an octave higher than he did with his friends. All his energy was spent just trying to keep her happy so she wouldn’t flip out and just rip into him and tell him what a horrible person he was. And all that guy really wanted to do was focus on his passions in life and smoke pot.
I dated a girl for over two years who turned me into a different person. She wasn’t even really that hot; I remember the first time I took her clothes off being pretty disappointed. What a bad start to a relationship that was. We would have long, long, (like night long) arguments over what were, in retrospect, absolutely ridiculous issues and should not have even been up for debate. For example, once we drove all the way across Kansas (a long fucking way) after we had been together for 3 months, tops. The whole way we had an argument because I wanted us to spend 1 night per week separate in our own places. Reasonable, right? Well by the time we got through the state I had lost the argument and agreed to spend every night of the week with her. Kicker: we also worked together so I saw her at work every day.
How does this happen? The Dudestroyer is a very interesting phenomenon and I’ve been spending some time thinking about why. The unifying characteristic of all these women is that they all are batshit crazy.
Look out for crazy chicks. They’re dangerous and mental illness, contrary to popular belief, can be contagious in certain circumstances. I have zero training in psychology, but my armchair diagnosis is that many of these dangerous Kryptonite chicks have what’s called borderline personality disorder.
Whatever it is, you must learn to identify and avoid crazy chicks quickly. Look for the warning signs:
- severe mood swings
- self-harming behavior
- excessive drug or alcohol use/abuse
- risky sexual behavior
- frequent blackouts when drinking or using other substances
- extremely inappropriate behavior when drinking
- a history of unstable, abusive or otherwise chaotic relationships
- constant angry phone calls, texts, e-mails, etc. from angry exes
- poor relationship with her family
- pathological lying
- master manipulator
This list works kind of like that bullshit terrorism threat level system the Department of Homeland Security has: any one of the things on that list and you better set your threat level to guarded. Two to three is elevated, four is high and five or more is definitely severe. In fact if you find a chick with five or more of the characteristics on that list run don’t walk away!
Some guys get off on crazy chick behavior. A buddy of mine from New Zealand just loved it when his wife would throw toasters at him. Another friend of mine always seems to be dating chicks that like to cut themselves. I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s sadomasochism. Why would you do that to yourself when there are so many good girls out there? Be forewarned, the Dudestroyer can ruin years of your life. Listen to your friends, they are only trying to watch your back. If you or a friend is currently ensnared in the talons of a Dudestroyer check out Dr. Tara Palmatier’s blog, shrink4men.com.
UPDATE: Thanks to reader Craig Himself for hooking us up with this relevant podcast from A Voice for Men: Psycho Women From Hell – With Special Guest Dr. Tara Palmatier. (Skip to ~31:50 below for the relevant part of the show).