Guest Post: (Hot) Girls and Hostels

Who hasn’t thought about hooking up with a sexy backpacker whilst staying in a hostel?  With vacation-sex on the brain, high blood-alcohol-levels and lost inhibitions, one would think that even Dick Cheney could get laid, if his alien penis was not floating in a jar of formaldehyde at Area 51.  Rarely are logistics to hook up with foreigners as good as they are in hostels. But who are these girls that frequent these dream-factories? And really how many of them are hot?

At 22, armed with high libido and a Working Holiday Visa for the Netherlands, I snagged my dream job at a hostel in Amsterdam called The Flying Pig, one of the best jobs I ever had. As imagined, when you have a bar as your living room, you live on a steady diet of beer, Jäger, toasties and foreign girl fantasies. In the time I worked there, hot girls came and went but it wasn’t quite the Playboy Mansion one might expect. Hostels attract backpackers, and backpackers have many faces, but the girls you are looking for are hard to find in hostels.

The many faces of the girl backpacker:

1.) The gap year broad

The Facebook generation are looking to have fun and lots of it. Gap year students fall into two categories a) working holiday, volunteering and/or b) doing a round the world trip. An appetite for sex with foreigners and a thirst for large quantities of cheap liquor is the only prerequisite. Will spend equal amounts of time partying and updating Facebook profile about partying. Some are hotties, but this group is younger and dumber.

2.) The college student

Definitely a possibility for some hot girls. Just as ducks fly south for winter, college students migrate to traditional spring and summer break hotspots. In Europe, one month might be an influx of various American college students whilst the next month could be Argentinean or German student month. It can be important to know where certain nationalities choose to spend their university breaks. Looking to have fun and experience the world; spending time abroad should be a mandatory component for every major.

3.) The art history major

The preferred degree of many girl backpackers is worthy of its own category; naturally these girls can be hot too. The only problem is that many have just graduated so be prepared to have some pretentious conversations about Renaissance art and so forth. This may be a turn off if you don’t like to debate, or a turn on if you like to argue. Ask them what they want to do now that they’ve finished their degree and watch them squirm.

4.) The feminist vegetarian

Nowadays it feels like every second girl you speak to in a hostel is a vegetarian, but feminist vegetarians are something else altogether. Can be extremely difficult to talk to without offending, but that’s the fun part. I never met an attractive feminist vegetarian; maybe that’s because I can’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t enjoy sex and sirloins. Remember, charm is like kryptonite with these girls. It repels them.

5.) The dirty hippie

Can’t discuss backpackers without talking about the hippies. I’ve had many an interesting conversation with hippies about the plight of the modern world, but I’ve never met a hippy that I’ve wanted to shag or one that wanted to shag me. Ever. Defining trait: borrow-stealing everyone’s stuff.

6.) The wanderer

The wanderer is tough to define; their hotness is a lottery. They aren’t working, they aren’t studying, they aren’t able to give any info about where they are going next until their ‘friend’ arrives from ‘insert country’. The wanderer is looking for love or something to keep them from going home. Likely candidates for ESL teachers, drug mules and future stars of Banged up Abroad.

7.) The post break-up traveler

It’s not uncommon for girls to go traveling by themselves after a breakup. They are either really wild (body shots and carpe dieming every sexual advance) or withdrawn (reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, in a day) as they begin to get over their last relationship. In rare cases, they can be dark-horse hot because normally girls like this wouldn’t be staying at a hostel with the proles.

8.) The princess traveling alone

These are the girls that bring their curling irons and suitcase-sized make up kits to a hostel. How do they look so good in a hostel? Well, they get up at 6am to look like that, that’s before the hostel breakfast is even ready. Should be illegal. Nothing wrong with looking your best, it’s just that some of these girls forget they are staying in a hostel, not the Ritz and are often disappointed. It’s diamond rare for these girls to be traveling alone.

9.) The hot girl group

What every hostel is looking for: a group of fit backpackers. Generally, girls like this travel in groups, safety in numbers and what not. There is no way they can travel by themselves; even in a group they would still be harassed constantly in many countries. As I mentioned in Hostel Lottery, “When I was younger, whoever I was traveling with or met in the foyer on the way to a bar, I’d say let’s grab a drink, smoke some cigarettes, have a chat, and hopefully when we get back the Russian volleyball team will have checked into our room.” Still haven’t found these uniformed sexy girl hangouts, but they must exist somewhere!

10.) The receptionist

Can’t talk about hot girls in hostels without mentioning the hotel staff. They can be extremely hot and fun, and as a result, there’s a high chance they have a boyfriend or fuck buddy at the establishment to fend off unwanted attention. Just like any bar, these girls get hit on constantly. Much, much better chances to be that buddy if you stay longer and make friends with the rest of the hostel staff.

Here are some other principles of “Ho”steling:

Hot girls are treated like rock stars. Like I mentioned, hot girls are treated like rare gems at hostels and guys try to cordon them off like a crime scene. The hostel staff are often some of the biggest culprits. They know the shortage of these girls and go out of their way to make these girls feel at home… in their bed.

Girls are going to prefer more well-known hostels, such as Europe’s Famous Hostel network. You may find a great hostel for 30 ringgits in Kuala Lumpur and praise your bargain hunting ability. But don’t be disappointed when you have to share the pool table with some sumo-dropout in the common area instead of a Bulgarian bombshell. Hell, even the hippies might give it a miss. A tip, sometimes it’s better to pick the second or third top rated at hostel at Hostel World as there will still be girls but fewer douches.

Party hostels are like brands and not surprisingly they are going to attract girls who like to party. Stereotyping, yes, but of course there are exceptions. The Rising Cock in Lagos,Portugal, The Millhouse Hostel in Buenos Aires, Argentina and The Kabul Hostel in Barcelona, Spain are synonymous with fiesta, to name a few. Talk to people and do your own research for places that are conducive with parties or conducive for the atmosphere you want. Really chilled places are also a good choice. Location, location, location, it’s a universal idea; pick a hostel in a prime location and close to the action you want.

Different types of backpackers travel to different parts of the world. Not many people travel to Albania, so if you are expecting girls, let alone hot girls, you’re going to be disappointed. But then again, there are always local girls. Every region attracts different people; many backpackers never make it to Scandinavia until they’re not backpackers anymore because it would blow away their budget. So you know it’s going to be a hippie-free zone.

The average girl becomes hot principle. Girls you wouldn’t normally look twice at in the real world, become more desirable through proximity and convenience. Sourcing examples both from my time working in a hostel and my own travel experience, I have witnessed many a guy go back with many a swamp donkey as he lost his balance on the tight rope of horniness and alcohol consumption. Average girls will be more attractive in the traveling environment; this is in part to the disproportionate number of men to women and of course excess alcohol and drugs.

Co-ed rooms: It’s only in the last century that society became this liberal again. So don’t fuck it up by being a creep. Social conventions are a very real reality and this one would be that you don’t hit up a girl to shag as soon as she arrives. Unless she jumps on you, ease up on the sleaze.  Picking up a girl in the hostel during the day must be a hostel-faux pas. I think a lot of the attraction is built during the day, from the hostel breakfast to walking between rooms. Eyes here, small talk there, but it would take a lot of stones to go for it. Because if she rejects your advances, then you will have become that guy. I would only would pursue this course of action if she is blatantly hitting on you.

Picking up girls in a hostel is largely centered on the last man standing theory. Whilst there are a few early movers in the night, most had probably hooked up before, or have been chipping away earlier that day. So many guys just wait it out until the other guys have gone to bed. Normally it is clear who the girl likes, but social conventions make it hard for her to openly leave with who and when she wants. Plus there are some persistent chodes out there cockblocking, who regardless if the girl has looked at them in two hours, won’t sleep for days if they have to. It’s a sad reality. Tip, she’s waiting for you to make a move.

The shag the night before they leave theory. Water is wet and the sky is blue and girl backpackers tend to bang the night before they leave. Sometimes it could be in the bag, hook up and everything, but if she knows she is going to stay one more night, she could make you wait another night.

The most important trick is to make friends with the hostel crew and you could be sitting on a golden ticket. If they like you, doors will open and you could even end up working there.

Hot girls and hostels, no god would make things that easy. The average girl who is even half-way decent is going to be mauled by an army of oversexed backpackers and locals on the road. The hottest girls normally travel with their boyfriends and most princesses prefer castles instead of slumming it in hostels. But that’s not to say there isn’t a healthy coalition of the able and sexy spanning the globe who are out there to share stories and flags with. Like you, the world isn’t getting younger, best to do it while you’re young. I started as a backpacker and have evolved into a flashpacker. Today’s the day, get off your ass and discover for yourself!

Charlie adds:

I would like to thank The Hunger for this entertaining guest post. However I must dissent with the whole concept of trying to hook up with backpackers at hostels. We at Single Dude Travel strongly recommend “eating locally” when traveling. Why chase after marginal Western backpackers when you could leave the hostel and find local girls who are much more friendly, hot and not surrounded by other guys kissing their asses for being halfway bangable? I personally don’t like staying in hostels, but if you have to for budgetary reasons, take a shower, shave up and leave the hostel for the real world. That’s why we travel here at Single Dude Travel.

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