Doing your homework and being a good tourist

TouristsWhen you’re traveling you want to avoid being a douchebag, an asshole, a DAFF, or just the typical Ugly American (or Brit, or whatever) Tourist.  It’s just not cool and six foot blonde Russian chicks are not turned on at all by Dumb Western Tourist Guy (DWTG).  So before you travel do a little homework about your target destination. Doing your homework on a destination helps differentiate you from the typical douchebag tourist and it makes you into someone that the locals find cool, interesting and worthy of getting to know. People from smaller countries are usually flattered when others take time to learn about their homeland, so do it, it gives you a great start with that hot Latvian chick over there.

So when you’re doing your homework what should you study up on? I’ve created a list for you below:

1. The basics of the language. Nothing turns a chick on like a few slick lines in her native language with your sexy foreign accent.

2. The history of the country. If you can converse even semi-intelligently about the history of the country you’re in, you’ll be a real show stopper.

3. The customs. Some countries have weird customs, don’t read too much into it, just learn it and respect it while you’re a guest in a foreign land. When in Rome do as the Romans do.

4. Topics to avoid. Are there two different religious or ethnic groups that absolutely hate each other? Perhaps there is some crazy political battle raging. Find out whats going on and avoid the touchy subjects. Sometimes it can be a matter of your safety, for example criticizing the king in Thailand can get you throw in jail.

So you’ve done your homework and you’re finally on the ground in your dream destination. How else can you make sure you’re a good tourist? Well it’s pretty much common sense. Other than not acting like a typical American, British or Russian toolbox tourist here are a few tips that I probably shouldn’t even have to tell you:

1. Use the language. Make sure to utilize the basic pleasantries you learned while doing your homework like please, thank you, you’re welcome, nice to meet you, excuse me, etc.

2. Obey the customs. Pretty much speaks for itself. You didn’t look this shit up to go there and then totally ignore what you learned.

3. Don’t get drunk and disorderly. There is nothing worse than a drunken retard running around smashing shit. The universal international emotional response to seeing a DAFF is an overwhelming desire to smash him in the head with a brick. Don’t be that guy!

4. Diffuse situations, don’t create them. Maybe you run into a local DAFF. Don’t fight. Chances are you’re going to be outnumbered and get your ass kicked anyway. Thailand is another good example here, there you are guaranteed to lose! You would be shocked by how many problems can be solved with an apology and a drink. Unless you’re Chuck Norris, leave the fighting in the ring.

This isn’t rocket science, when you travel just be cool. Respect the people and respect the land. If you do this you’re going to have a much better time and you’re going to make a lot more friends. And if you are usually a DAFF, why not try traveling like a grownup for a change?  You might actually like it. You’ll make more friends and definitely get laid more often.

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