An extremely useful and important skill for the single dude traveler is dancing. I know, some of you DAFFS are thinking, “Dancing? That’s impossible, I’m 30 years old and have never danced, it’s too late, plus dancing is gay.” Wrong. You have to dance. You don’t need to be able to sweep a girl off her feet on the dance floor, but you have to be willing to enjoy dancing occasionally and not be a complete disaster when you do it.
News flash from The Obvious Broadcasting Company: Chicks love to dance. As much as they love to shop, have their pictures taken, and play with kittens/puppies/babies. It’s just a fact of life. Dancing is fun and it makes the feel like they are characters in all the stupid romance novels and movies that they love. For the single dude dancing is a great way to get physical for the first time with that little Costa Rican pocket rocket you just picked up in Escazu. Not to mention, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you don’t share a common language, you can still dance together. You might say dancing is the language of love… or the language of banging that hot Chinese girl there that you can’t really seduce verbally. Quite simply, dancing is foreplay.
Americans, in the rest of the world you have to dance. There is no getting around it. In America you can get away without not dancing as only a very small percentage of straight American men dance at all, besides, who wants to dance with some Midwestern mastodon who will probably sweat through the pits of her sweatshirt the first time you spin her around? But when you travel, you’re definitely going to want to take your new Mexican mamacita for a test drive out there before you take her off the lot. So how do you go about this?
It’s not that hard to learn to dance. Watch some Youtube videos, attend a free Central American salsa class, take a lesson or two, practice, add some drugs and alcohol, rinse, repeat. Get some experience and the more you do it the better you will feel. Even though you might only have a couple of moves, the way you present yourself on the dance floor is still the most important factor. Sell it!
The most important quality you need to dance successfully (not well, but with success) is confidence. If you are worrying that you look stupid while you’re dancing that will be obvious. Overt self-consciousness is a real turn of for women and is generally the hallmark of a pussy. Confident men are confident dancers. You don’t have to be fancy when you dance but you have to be confident. The first rule of dancing is the most important:
Rule 1 of dancing: The man must lead.
Now I’m all for the equality of sexes when it comes to the workplace, civil rights, etc. However on the dance floor I am not. Men lead. The first dance with a new girl will tell you a lot about how well you will get along with her and what the balance of power in the relationship will be. For example, if a girl tries to spin herself when we start dancing I stop dancing and tell her no, she needs to follow my lead. Trust me on this. Girls are all looking to be romanced like in some old movie. Do you think Ginger Rogers ever spun herself? Of course not, she waited for Fred Astaire to spin her. Then after the cameras stopped rolling he took her to his place and gave her another big spin.
I was in Austin once at a crappy blues club when it was 100 degrees inside and this absolutely knockout brunette UT undergrad came in a red polka dot dress. She sat right down next to me and in ten minutes we were dancing, and we had the following exchange less than five minutes later:
“Don’t lead me. You have to let me lead, that’s the way it works.”
“I’m sorry! I’m not used to dancing with someone who leads. It’s so hard to find guys my age who are real men.”
“I know, sweetheart. But I’m not one of those pussies. If you want to be spun, just tell me, ‘Charlie, spin me’, and I’ll spin you to your little heart’s content.”
“Charlie, spin me.”
After several spins, the next thing out of her mouth was,
“So, I know this is a weird question, but do you feel the same about sex, should a guy lead and be in control all the time?”
“Most of the time, yes, I’d say. Every now and then it’s good to mix it up and let the girl be in charge but the majority of the time I like the control.”
“So… my roommates want to leave here so I have to go but if you want you can come over later tonight… I have my own room and everything….”
So yeah, guys, be men and lead. Especially in other parts of the world like Latin America, the respect you command on the dance floor is related the respect you garner generally. Be the man.
Rule 2: Keep eye contact.
Eye contact is critical. Raul has already discussed this at length so I won’t go too much further. Don’t stare at your feet, look at the girl you’re dancing with.
Rule 3: Have fun.
Make it look like you’re enjoying yourself. If it’s just some regular crappy bar music you don’t need moves, just smile, act like it’s fun and spin the girl a little and you will be fine. Don’t overstep your abilities, just be fun and easy to dance with. Dancing is fun! If you pretend to have fun, and keep the drugs and alcohol coming, you might start to realize what a pleasure it is to dance with a smoking hot Bulgarian chick at a rave in Sunny Beach.
While you’re there on the dance floor don’t hesitate to kiss or make out with her right there if the opportunity presents itself. This is Raul’s specialty. Dancing is foreplay but making out is obviously better. Grab her ass while you do it. Now spin her! Whew! She’s starting to get a little flushed. Spin her halfway round quick. Get behind her and put your hands on her hips. Dance. Now her ass. For just a second. Spin her again. Kiss her again. Spin. Get behind her again and kiss her neck. See how she’s craning her neck now? And grinding back with her ass? Great! Now grab her and give her a little dip. Don’t drop her! Kiss. The song’s over. Maybe she wants to get some air outside? Or maybe just a nightcap at your place.
Capital job, Astaire!