Fuck you, hipsters!

I hate you hipsters.  You make the world a worse place.  Every time I go out and I see all you losers sitting there at the bar with your shitty attitudes and bad fashion sense I just want to grab your Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle and start beating you over the head with it.  I know, that will ruin your ironic haircut and that would be such a shame, but at least you’ll write a shitty Emo song about it later.

Worldwide hipsterism is on the rise.  It is ruining entire countries and making single dude travel destinations like New Orleans much much worse.  France is all hipsters.  This movement must be stopped before it spreads everywhere like genital warts at a West Virginia family reunion.

So what is a hipster?  Like pornography was famously described by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, it’s difficult to describe but you know it when you see it.  The irony about hipsters’ irony is that they are one of the most conformist segments of society today.  There is a uniform:

1.  Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers, or even better ironic footwear.  Like the stupid hipster chicks who wear vintage dresses with rain boots even though the sky has been clear for days.

2.  Ironic facial hair.  You motherfuckers have ruined mustaches for everybody.  I used to think a mustache was cool and something I’d wear when I was a badass 50-year old, like Burt Reynolds or Billy Dee Williams, but you 28-year old unemployed trust fund hipsters have ruined it for everybody with your waxed handlebar mustaches like you just walked off the set of some Coen Brothers western movie.

3.  Skinny jeans.  What the fuck is wrong with you dumbasses?  I don’t know a single chick who is attracted to guys that show frailty.  I know being in shape is totally uncool for you faggots but why would you highlight what a weak ass pussy you are by looking skinnier than the Olsen twins?

4.  Ironic vintage clothing.  When I was living in Austin, which today is a world capital of hipsterism, I’d occasionally go into the vintage stores to try to pick up chicks and was astounded at the prices being paid for stupid vintage clothing.  Like 50 bucks for some Atari t-shirt or Wonder Woman style shorts/underpants.  Hipster girls have the absolutely worst bathing suits in the world, outside of the Saudi Arabian burkinis.  News flash girls: you look awful in vintage bathing suits bottoms that go up to your mid-waist and show nothing but your pasty white skin and your shitty tattoos.

Hipster Bathing Suit

5.  Tattoos.  You can’t be a hipster without a tattoo that shows your individuality by being exactly the same as the tattoos of other 200 people in the hipster bar.

6.  Stupid hats.  So people pretty much quit wearing fedoras when Humphrey Bogart made his last movie, until the rise of hipsterism.  They are best for covering up the bald spots of 30-something hipster dudes who work at some coffee shop and spend the whole of their day looking down on the “conformists” with real jobs who come in for a little caffeinated pick me up.

7.  Smoking.  Haven’t you dumbasses heard that smoking is bad for you?  I know, I know, you don’t care.  There’s no better way to look like you’re totally bored by everything and everyone in the world than to sit around with your self-rolled cancer stick and roll your eyes at every suit that walks by.

8.  Shitty haircuts.  It is quite an art to get your hair just right so you look like you went on an all night drinking binge and then slept in an alley in your own vomit.  Congrats, guys!

Ok, so now we know what a hipster is, let me tell you why I hate them.  Hipsters suck.  The most obvious characteristic of hipsterism is being too ironic and cool to actually like anything.  They define themselves by what they’re not.  Just try asking a hipster what they actually like.  I was at a hipster bar in the States recently and talked to two separate hipster girls who somehow didn’t realize I wasn’t on their side.  After saying a bunch of ignorant shit like, “this is bullshit, that’s conformist” etc., I asked them, “what is cool and not bullshit?”  Both of them (2 separate conversations) were at a loss to answer this question, and both after thinking for a minute said, “Well, I like to sleep.”  So lame.

Hipsters like to pretend they’re individualist and non-conformist, but they’re actually the most image conscious people in the world.  Hipsters spend most of their time hanging out in places where everybody else has the same uniform and worrying that they’ll be exposed as the frauds they are.  They are terrified of this and I theorize that’s why they’re so unfriendly to outsiders.

Hipsters have no social skills.  They can basically not relate to anyone outside of their peer group.  Just try going up to a hipster girl and saying, “Hi!  How are you?”  Most often she will not be able to handle the situation at all.  Hipster girls can’t handle just being nice or polite and will mostly likely respond to normal friendly behavior with socially inept stuff like just turning away or saying rude shit for absolutely no reason.

Hipster Mom TattooOne Saturday night in Austin Raul and I were hanging out at a hipster bar high on mushrooms and this hipster guy at the bar had the classic “Mom” tattoo.

So I say to him (remember that I was on mushrooms),

“So do you really love your mom, or are you just being ironic?”

“Dude, my mom died, dude.”

“Oh , I’m really sorry to hear that.  That’s good though that you got the tattoo to show how much you love her.”

“What?”

So after a while this guy staggered off and the very next person to come stand there at the bar was a not-very-hot hipster girl with ironic footwear and the exact same tattoo on the same arm!  Me:

“Hey, the last guy standing there had the same tattoo as you!  Isn’t that funny?”

(With extreme disdain) “So?

And with that she walked over to the other side of the bar to order her drink.

Hipsters pretty much have shitty taste in everything, especially music.  It’s in the hipster code that you can’t like anything that is popular.  You ask a hipster what their favorite bands are and I guarantee they will say it’s somebody you have never heard of.  You know who will say they don’t like the Beatles?  Hipsters.  What the fuck?  The Beatles for hipsters are The Strokes.  That is as famous of a band as they are allowed to like.  I also like the Strokes, but the hipsters worship them.

Fuck you guys.  I can’t even imagine what you hipster guys do when you get a woman.  Do you cry sensitively after making sweet hipster love for 60 seconds or do you just start writing your Emo song in your head for when she dumps you for being such a pussy?  And hipster girls, do you really think your poetry doesn’t suck balls?  Get a life and start thinking for yourselves, you losers.  And get a haircut.  And a job.  Fucking hipsters.

Charlie Bushmeister

Call me Charlie. I decided to join with others to write this blog because I feel that I have learned a lot about how to succeed in life in general. It took a lot of trial and error and I've developed a wealth of philosophies, skills, and tricks of the trade that would be very useful to like minded guys out there. There's no need to repeat my mistakes, of which I have made many, instead I urge you to read this blog, absorb and practice its lessons, and then go out and have the most awesome life, on your own terms. To me that means good health, success in your career, the number and type of relationships you want, and general satisfaction that you're not wasting your life spinning your wheels, but going forward always towards your goals.




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  • TheWordistheWord

    The quintessential sign of a hipster: Anyone staring at a smart phone in public instead of interacting with real humans. That’s hipster in a nutshell.

  • TheWordistheWord

    Just an FYI calling the US “the states” is very hipster. It’s designed to let us know you’ve been abroad, and heard all the Australians and British talking around about the US. They don’t like calling it America because after all Canada is America too but it is the US of America that counts. Mexico is also “the states”. They call us Americans anyway.

  • Joanne

    Hipster men are so unsexy.

  • TZO2K15

    I have as much of a liberal sensibility as I do conservative, and Hipsters are the equivalent of alt-rights of the liberal world. Which is why I detest the culture so much, as it’s anti-down-to earth as you can get without being an actual débutante!

    • TheWordistheWord

      That’s very hipster of you to say. “I have as much of a liberal sensibility as I do conservative” Most of you don’t seem to know what liberal means. A simple trip to the library and picking up a dictionary will tell you. If you knew what it means you wouldn’t say you are as much conservative. That’s total bullshit. Oh BTW smart phones give you the wrong answers to definitions. I know, I recruit and test people for companies. It’s easy to spot the ones that answered questions by cheating with their phones.

      • TZO2K15

        Sorry pal, but I don’t even own a smart-phone and I’m most likely much older than you, (As I predate hipsters) further, considering the baseless and knee jerk incorrect assumptions that you have just relied on in order to call me out, I can be safe in the knowledge that your word carries no real weight.

        • TheWordistheWord

          Sorry but it is so very hipster to say, “I have as much of a liberal sensibility as I do conservative.” It’s so very chic. I am not your pal and never will be. What’s more hipsters are not the equivalent of being the alt-rights of the liberal world. They are just as confused as you are.

  • Xaiver Smythe

    Hipsters is another word for fuckup. I had two of them walk out in front of my truck yesterday (but because they are exempt from everything including common sense) I ran them over. I had to get my front end re-aligned but, other than that it was a productive day. Fuck hipster trash.

    • TheWordistheWord

      I bet they beat you with their smart phones.

  • Pemba Sherpa

    hahahaha you are BANGING!!!!

  • Samsara

  • Julie Me

    You are just absolutely a typical nosy american and
    Jealous as I can imagine! I hate stupid conservative Idiots like you, who are never miniding their own business, and critisize
    Other people ( hipsters and i’m sure other nationalities too!) who have different mentality from your banal one. Maybe they don’t like to be friendly for no reason, with some ugly asshole like you. I’m not a hipster, by the way, i’m just a pretty Russian girl who has a great taste and can’t catch a breathe because of the nosy fucks like you. Go ahead, google the words that you have never heard of. You should maybe take a note for your boring taste in anything, im sure you love anything that’s popular, ugh, Taylor swift perhaprs, miley syrus? Haha…

    • Is this a joke?

    • TheWordistheWord

      I love Russians, except when they only want you for your moneeeeey. What do mean by nosey chicky girl? You mean minding other people’s businesses? Yes this author is as big an asshole and hipster as the rest of them.

  • johnny bravo

    lol

  • Loserman

    About the only thing I agree with on this whole page is Fuck cheap cars with expensive rims. Other than that I will rock a handlebar mustache and listen to The Misfits if I feel the need because I fought for my right to do soand won’t let some strange look deter me from exercising my freedom to do it I may also run down the street naked rubbing green jello all over myself singing I’m an Oscar Meyer wiener if I feel the need

  • Green Clouds

    These hipster guys look like a table of 15yo nerds or mentally ill Elvis Costello dressing halfway house clowns. I’ve seen this garbage growing- makes me desire other cultures than Anglosphere tard culture!

  • JohnDoe
  • Jipsterso

    I love how all of you get mad.

  • Lol

    I hope a modern day hitler rises and picks hipsters as his disease ! I will join the movement !

  • Check out these crazy Hipsters..
    “Hipster The Get Down” on YouTube”

  • Sam

    Great article……I am 49 years old and was born and raised in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Back then, it was a very bad ghetto but at least it was a neighborhood. When the hipster invasion started, we knew right from the start that they were rude, arrogant, and self rightious. They could care less about the original ethnic people from the neighbor and they ran up all the costs for food and rent. These hipsters think because they are different, they can take over any neighborhood in NYC. With articles like this one…….you have exposed them and made it harder for them to exist, and for this, I thank you.

    Sam

    • These hipsters think because they are different

      The ironic part is that they’re all the same. Few groups in the world are more homogeneous than the hipsters.

    • TheWordistheWord

      Same can be said for any self obsessed people that go anywhere. They always remain ignorant of the local culture.

  • Adrien

    OMG! I just love this article! So well written 😀 I fucking hate hipsters, snobish c*nts!

  • Mark

    Fantastic post. I had to deal with a bunch of entitled “everybody gets a trophy” hipsters this past NYE weekend. I’m enjoying the Drive-By Truckers NYE in DC at a club. Now, DBT is good ole southern rock, not that fag hipster crap. This d-bag hipster chick cuts me off at the bar and the proceeds to start coughing on me and everyone else while she waits of her Coors Light from the bartender. Really? Coors fucking Light, possibly the worlds worst beer? Then her and her friends talked so loud for the entire concert that I couldn’t even hear the band. If you are familiar with DBT, I thought there was no possible way to talk louder than them.

    Hey, dumbass hipster chicks, if you didn’t care about the music, go the fuck somewhere else. Three days later, I have the flu. I hope Karma bites her, twice.

  • Freud

    Hi guys and first of all: thanks, now I know I’m not alone.
    How about the mustache tattooed on the side of the index finger for “wear” it under the noose??? Please stop guys.

    Ok, I’m italian, 26, from Rome, I like wear clothes that I believe nice (mainly 70/80ies La Coste, Ralph Lauren, Paul and Shark, Fila, Kappa) but always really casual and confortable in it, never trying too hard.

    I just wanna say that hipsters are spoiling and wasteing most of the nice things that genuinely I always loved, and this really piss me off.
    This bunch of clowns seems all made by the same cutter.
    They are always looking and asking me about my american traditional tattoo’s that I proudly wear and love for my personal taste and not for fashion.

    Today my girlfriend (which is not hipster) said let’s go to this new caffè for have a look.
    A slice of bread with two eggs on it, plus two thin slices of a sweet potato and a couple of cubes of pumpkin for $12 (which I believe is crazy, just because I’m eating it in that bloody fashion place), served by guys with mustache or long beard dressed like my uncle in the 70ies (with the difference that him never thoug to dress in that way on porpouse), that probably ride very-cool-supercolored-useless-unconfortalbe fixe bike with handlebar of a few inches looking like retarded behind fake glasses and unconfortable but cool backpacks.

    All this in a very fashion “pseudo-french” caffè in New Farm, Brisbane, Australia (where I’m actually living) where all the fornitures are completely random and nothing match nothing in pure hipster’s style…which I find disgunsting and lazy.

    Note: Here the hipsters situation is terrifing, they are really sad and hopeless.

    It was all barely bearable because I love my girlfriend and I know she don’t give a shit…..till when the guy at the bar put on Cash’s “I walk the line”.
    I respect Cash, I listened him even when, do it, doesn’t really “matched” a my old way to be, but that was enough.
    Fuck you hipsters, thanks for ruin and spoilt almost everything I always loved genuinely just because “is a fashion” like other guys in older posts said…and I should respect you because it?

    I’m a very open minded person and flexible person, I know don’t sounds like but I am.
    Whate I really belive is tha fashions (I mean limitating common way to do thing, wear clothes and think) are shit.
    Be true, yourself, always…out of time and what this mass of sheeps think.

    Thanks Charlie.
    Sorry ’bout my english guys.

  • Hipster

    This is probably written by some redneck cowboy. The world is always going to change. Just because we care about clothes, how we look, and grooming ourselves doesn’t mean we are faggots or anything. Honestly, most of the ladies like hipsters, and they would rather have them than someone who ropes calves and steps in cow crap all day without any life. Most “hipsters” are greatly annoyed by cowboys, rednecks etc… because we think it is so retarded! Im not saying that you are one of those, but I would not be surprised if you were. I am going to add something about slkinny jeans… they are worn by a lot of guys which are actually really comfortable and a lot of ladies think they are very attractive. I could say the same thing about bootcut or baggy jeans. I also hate those football jocks that think they are all that from being the star on the football team and pound a girl every night. I am a guy who hates football, wears skinny jeans, buys expensive clothing, interested in fine arts, and really cares how I look/ dress.I have learned that people are different than me and to accept it. I have also learned to not say anything to anyone about stuff like this, but I couldn’t resist. People have their way of life, which may be different from yours… GET OVER IT!!

    • Good luck with that shit when the zombies come for you, dude.

      • Guy probably is a troll anyways. I mean, a hipster actually calling himself “Hipster?” That’s so mainstream!

    • Joanne

      I hate hipsters and not all women like you.I don’t like cowboys either but nothing more unsexy than scrawny,effeminate men with skinny legs in drainpipe jeans.

  • Tootsie

    My 65 year old friend (I am 36) asked me what a hipster is. I found this blog. Still rolling around on the floor LMAO after 10 years in San Francisco. Thank you!

  • Sorrels

    I live in Austin now, totally hipster crap fest everywhere you go, everyone has a stupid fucking tattoo and dresses like all they have a brown church clothes from the 70’s. I used to live in Seattle as well, hipsters everywhere there as well. Is there any city to live in that is relatively nice and has no fucking hipsters or preppy douchebags!??!?!

  • France Vinnielle

    I agree in some things, hipster subculture is rude, they think they cool, their music, their way of life, their forms of art, etc… It’s kind of difficult to talk to a hipster person, in general they don’t have social skills, and if they talk to you they don’t smile at you, not even agree with you in anything, well at least that’s my experience with them… On the other hand…. Hipster men, in general, even if we don’t like their style, at least they have a sense of fashion that men usually don’t have. Male chauvinism created in our society a caveman sense of fashion, and men who have a real sense of fashion are discriminated, and treated as less masculine or gay, that’s why I said I agree with the article in some things, and not in the fashion sense. My biggest question is… I’ve been in direct contact with many subcultures of our society and I haven’t found a more rude, violent, animalistic attitudes and haters of intellectual things than the rap, hip hop, etc… environment, and I haven’t heard anything about it, isn’t it worse than hipster subculture ? A culture of violence, crime, drug trafficking, and denigraring women put as sexual objects ???

    • Your sticking up for gay hipster fashion is totally unwarranted. It’s douchey, it’s unoriginal and it’s not at all masculine. On the other hand, I totally agree with you about rap but I don’t think we’re allowed to talk about that because that’s, you know, ‘raciss!

      • You’re right though, the hip-hop ethos these days is absolutely repugnant. What kind of fucking role model is Nelly or Eminem?

        • Jacques

          Huge generalization, bro. While the most commercially accessible and presumably popular rap is sub-par and needlessly violent/misogynistic/ignorant, a great deal of the droopy-drawered kids in hoodies and backpacks don’t subscribe to that mentality. Many of those headphones are rocking thoughtful, intelligent music about a range of issues. Spend some time on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, etc. with any of the following artists and you’ll see what I mean: Mos Def, Talib Kwali, Common, K’Naan, Common Market, etc.

          But for the record, I agree the style itself leaves a lot to be desired.

          • Well, perhaps, but the mainstream hip hop, which is the version that reaches the vast majority of hip hop consumers, is exactly as our commenter portrayed. Artistically, it’s a bunch of garbage too. Hip hop as pop music jumped the shark years ago.

          • +1

  • Pim

    too weird you english americans

  • aye aye

    Wait bucko you mean scenesters, not hipsters. Hipster and indie has really been drained of all its fucking meaning because people like you insist on abusing a word and using it in a way it’s not suppose to be used. The people who use the word hipster nowadays completely and entirely twisted it’s proper meaning. You know what’s worse than a hipster? Someone who doesn’t shut the fuck up about how much they hate hipsters and how much cooler they are than them. Just like this whole “nerd” trend, just because you wear glasses and say you’re a geek because you like Hello Kitty, it doesn’t make you a nerd it makes you scene and trendy. If you don’t have a steam account you’re not even half a nerd.

    And just because you found out about this word last year and attempted to tie it with scene kids you see when you barely leave the house yourself doesn’t make you app to rant about it.

    There are genuine hipster and genuine independent, then there are the people that are all about looking the part, and being in the “scene” and not actually contributing anything. They are scenesters, not emo, not hipster.

    • Whatever, dude, that’s a total hipster response, trying to argue about terminology. You guys suck.

    • I can’t speak for Charlie but I can say that while I hate the hipsters Charlie defines, the ones you define seem even more atrocious. I would recommend recycling them into soylent green to feed the world’s poor.

  • Jess

    I don’t mind the fashion and I don’t really mind the music…but the whole hipster “I don’t give a shit about anyone but myself” attitude really pisses me off. But the thing that pisses me off the most about them is that…no one else calls them a hipster. Hipsters are self proclaimed. Why would you put yourself in a category? It doesn’t make sense.
    I’ve always liked vintage clothing, but I feel kind of weird wearing it now because I don’t want people to think I’m a stuck up asshole. I also don’t mind if guys want to wear really skinny jeans, as long as they don’t act like a total dick. I’m weird though…I’ve always liked skinny legs. ANYWAYS. They have the worst attitudes and being an asshole to everyone makes you hated. So I don’t have a problem with this article in slightest. In fact…I laughed a ton. IN SUMMARY: dress how you want, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t be a pretentious asshole who pretends to care about issues that you don’t really give two shits about.
    thank you!

  • I love a good rant!
    “This pseudo-subcultural hipsterism is devoid of anything but narcissism and bourgeois decadence.”
    This has always been the case since the 50’s.

  • Henry Blake Turner

    PURE GOLD!!!! Im not sure what i liked more, the original article/rant or the comment section?!?!?!?!?!!? Im off to Boracay with a mate of mine for a week on 13th April. Fingers crossed we can find civilian ladies and herb. If not i guess we’ll just pay for some ladyboys and get freaking nasty!!!!

  • buri
  • The Dude Abides

    The author hates hipsters. Hipsters love irony. Now comes the irony – the hipsters of Manila (a town he hated on in a subsequent piece) would have welcomed him, the self professed hater of all those irony loving bohemians. The author may find this hard to believe, but the hipsters in Manila have a monopoly on the only decent, non ladyboy/hooker/green card hunter infested bars in town.

    Bummed out that you couldn’t hook up weed? They would have had you covered. My couchsurfing hostess had a big jar of it and the hipsters were smoking in the open at all the concerts I went to.

    Not down with the “retardation factor” in The Philippines? The hipsters spoke English at near native speaker levels and I’m sure would have chatted you up about a variety of meaningful topics, including whatever bands you like to hate on hipsters for being into.

    The food in Manila sucked? Yeah, that’s true. You should have had some solid burgers and wings with the hipsters over at Wingman in The Collective.

    I couchsurfed for a week in Manila and had an awesome time. I went around to a bunch of small, but lively, rock concert venues, art galleries and music festivals where people were genuinely friendly, with not another foreigner or sexpatriate to be seen. The alternative kids (for lack of a better term) over there were smart, curious and in tune with pretentious and non-pretentious culture.

    I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss an entire sub culture just because you live in Austin and brushed shoulders with the douchsters. There are plenty of people (including in Beijing, where I live) that just enjoy music/film/fashion that hasn’t been commercially synthesized in a lab for mass consumption. The only real mistake here is thinking one is somehow better than others on this basis, which plenty of non-hipsters are guilty of as well.

    • Great comment. Are you sure you were hanging out with hipsters? Alternative is not the same as hipster. If those kids were open and friendly to outsiders, then that disqualifies them from hipsterism.

      Glad to hear you had a good time there!

      • The Dude Abides

        It’s hard to say exactly what they were, but they were definitely not mainstream Filipinos. I think the people you are criticizing in this article would actually be called “scenesters” in LA, which is where I lived before moving to China. By the way, you guys should come to Beijing. Plenty of talent here, good food and zero chance of boredom.

  • rhino

    Why are you promoting negative generalizations and hate for people who work at coffee shops, have silly facial hair, or geek-out on bands that no one has heard of? Labeling and categorizing each other is one of the biggest reasons that the human race has such a hard time coming together to accomplish grand acts of love, generosity, or even revolution. Divide and conquer is one of the most effective strategies in war and sociological control. If we divide ourselves then we will always be defeated.

    Stop this segregation propaganda.

    I am you and you are me.
    I am you and you are me.
    I am you and you are me.
    I am you and you are me.
    I am you and you are me.
    I am you and you are me.

    • aye aye

      You fuckin’ said it man.

  • zach

    This was written by the most literate junior high student ever. This was written by a junior high schooler, right? The kind that calls people hipsters and rants about cliques, right? Oh no.

    Instead of bitching on the internet about how unmanly all these dudes are, just go get some pussy, faggot.

    • So in other words what you’re saying is you’re a super douchey hipster yourself? Thanks for clarifying.

    • Good advice, man, I’ll head over to your mom’s place right now.

  • Jamie Hemming

    It’s all Apples fault and those fucking Ipod ads, that’s where the rot started.
    Load of BranVan300fuckingtoss.

    • Is that some sort of special English swearing?

      • Elijah Craig 18

        Bran Van 3000 — Manhattan hipster electronic band.
        fucking toss — british for dickhead, idiot, tool.

        Put it all together and you’ve got?

  • Gus

    Oh, so basically what you say is that you hate hipsters because;

    1) They guys don’t conform to the traditionalist neanderthal quarterback ideal of masculinity that you find so comforting.

    2) The girls don’t like your style and have the balls to say it to your face.

    Kind of sad, is it not?

    In order to end this on a funnier note i provide you with a quote that I find really amusing. You too probably.

    “Hipsters are augly poeple who still get laid”

    http://data.whicdn.com/images/12721653/hahaha,art,artist,b,w,beautiful,beauty-0425231e9e98060cfd7bb4defccf781f_h_thumb.jpg?1312130203

    PS. Death to laddism and it’s watered down equivalent, broism. DS.

    • No I hate hipsters because they’re arrogant losers who think they’re too cool for everything and don’t stand for anything. Didn’t you read the article?

      • Hipster is such a complicated term. As soon as anyone goes on a “fuck hipsters” rant someone always pipes up with the ever so cliche, “oh, so if you’re not into American football you’re gay, huh?” routine.

        Gets old.

        Fuck hipsters.
        Fuck American football.
        Oh, and fuck Sarah Palin, hotdogs, cheap cars with expensive rims, and those “ironic liberals who ruined the mustache”.

        But Allen Ginsburg’s cool.

        Miles Davis for the win too.

        Oh, and fuck people with unkempt facial hair and thrift store clothes who perpetually ramble about Marxist craptastic politics with a sense of utmost authority.

        And kittens. Yeah, fuck them too.

        Just kidding – we love cats.

        • I’m not a fan of Kerouac, though. Although he was the first to give me the idea to go to Mexico.

  • MissAnnThrope

    That was poetry. Thank you.

  • Sarah

    Love this post. Love it.

  • jingles

    diehipster.wordpress.com

    Has been addressing the hipster issue very well over the years

  • Can you give a quick list of the least-hipster places you know of?

    • Eastern Eruope isn’t too bad yet. Have to ask Charlie about Latin America. Asia is full of “fagsters”.

    • drew

      Like the out-of-control fiscal & monetary systems, the horse is already out of the barn. If you want a populated area that hasn’t been overwhelmed, I’d suggest the tri-cities area of Kearney-Hastings-Grand Island in the great American Midwest state of Nebraska; population 250,000ish

  • Bronan the Barbarian!

    @Charlie – Just checked out this site for the first time today. Great rant. Hipsters are truly the dead end of western civilization. Check out a similar rant I wrote a few months ago:

    http://bronanthebarbarian.com/2011/01/03/are-hipsters-the-end-of-masculinity/

    Think you’ll get a kick out of it.

    • Great article. “Hipsters are truly the dead end of western civilization.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. My evening was contaminated by some hipsters last night… Bulgaria… rain boots and all.

  • This article is pure genius, but one thing I think you could have delved upon further would be the unkempt facial hair. I was in a hipster coffee shoppe the other day, looked around, and realized I was the only one in there without a frail, scraggly, unkempt beard. I HATE HIPSTERS AND I HATE THEIR STUPID BEARDS.

    • I do talk about mustaches!

  • They are multiplying

    I first heard the term hipster in the US a while back, back when it was used as a pejorative. Then I saw people starting to call themselves hipsters in Williamsburg (NYC), then in Shoreditch (London). They were usually those really fucking unbearable people that move into working class neighbourhoods because they heard that’s where the artists live, which will automatically turn them into Andy Warhol. Now they are everywhere! I am from Milan (Italy) where I live now and it’s like they are pouring out of the drainpipes in scores with their stupid clothing, their stupid glasses and their stupid haircuts. MAN THE HAIRCUTS DRIVE ME INSANE!
    I have always been a fan of subcultures that take a negative terms as labels, like punk or grunge. There was something real about them, something gritty and full of energy, and a hint of a social message. This pseudo-subcultural hipsterism is devoid of anything but narcissism and bourgeois decadence. Find me a hipster whose parents are working class and I will buy you a tour of all the gentrified urban areas that have been invaded by those rich young dickheads who drove out low income people and actual striving artists. Hipsters and yuppies now populate the former warehouse districts of East London for instance, though I do prefer yuppies, cos they at least make their own money.
    ANYWAY: I am fucking angry right this minute because was just on the web looking for a place in Milan where to get a sufficiently groovy haircut, but all the places that cut hair “creatively” in my city now will give you a hipster-like brick-of-puke-on-shaved-sides kinda cut. Sigh.
    And to all of you who go on about “Eurofags” please keep in mind where this shit was generated from: much like Jersey Shore, that fuckery ain’t “a Eurotrash thing”, it’s a fucking caricature. NOBODY was dressing like this until this terrible fad came about.
    It won’t be over a minute too soon.

    • Great comment! We’ll put Milan on the ruined list.

      • They are multiplying

        My hipster mates will love it. Thanks for this page btw, it was quite relieving to vent ^_^

  • M

    I agree. I just purchased a nice panama fedora (actually it’s more of a trilby, but that’s semantics) to add to my hat collection so I am a little dismayed to see these classy hats being usurped by hipsters. I would never be mistaken for a hipster. Trust me. However, I think a fedora looks good in certain situations and are great accessories to almost any look. Besides, I’m tired of seeing guys wearing baseball hats. They look immature and give men a license to disreguard any hat etiquette whatsoever. And don’t get me started on wearing them backwards. The bill is there to protect your face from the sun, so unless you’re trying to shade your ass, or you are starting as catcher for the Yankees, wear it forward. Otherwise you look like a douche. Just my two cents…

    • Dude, what on earth is a trilby???

    • I have never met a hat enthusiast before, but am certainly glad to. Welcome to the site. Next time I am on a date I will most certainly have to mention the factoid that I know a hat enthusiast now. Can you elaborate on hat etiquette?

      • M

        Hat etiquette is pretty simple which is why it irritates me that men don’t follow it. I was in the military so I learned much of it there. Some of the basics: remove your hat when inside a home, a private dwelling, or a church. You can leave it on in public spaces such as airports or enclosed malls – or you can remove it – your option. Remove it for the national anthem and for a funeral procession. It was once upon a time that you removed it in elevators, as that was considered a “room”, but not many follow that anymore. And here’s my biggest peeve because it’s routinely violated: remove your hat when eating in a restaurant. However, you can leave it on when sitting at a bar or at a lunch counter (if there are such things anymore). My guess is that you can leave it on if sitting at an outdoor cafe, but if you’re with a group having a meal I’d remove it. If you want to be chivalrous you should remove your hat when greeting a lady. But I suppose that depends on what your definition of a lady is, and if you are looking to impress her. You can find a lot of this on the internet, or just buy a book on manners and etiquette. I hope this helps.

        • I am familiar with hat removal rules (although the elevator was a new one for me), I thought you were referring to something more complex and obscure. Sorry for not being more clear.

          • M

            Nope, they’re pretty simple. It’s just that no one makes the effort to learn them or follow them. My thought are that if you’re going to wear a hat (or gloves, or cumberbund, or other male fashion accessory) then you should be responsible for knowing how to wear it or what manners or etiquette you should follow when wearing it. In most cases a five minute search in the internet will tell you all you need to know.

  • JonCon

    I am so confused as to where I must fit in. I wear fedoras all the time. My favorite bands generally fall into the category of generally unknown. However I have a job, wear sports jerseys, and love The Beatles (and still hate top 40 radio). Plus I bought a shiny suit, but I have had a waxed handlebar mustache.

    I am so very confused.

    • Don’t worry if you admit to liking stuff you’re not a hipster.

  • igorr

    you’re so right about everything, I don’t like the things hipsters “stand up” for too (which is basically NOTHING) but I have to admit I do like some of the hipster-inspired fashion (totally hate the too skinny jeans though) and also some of the music that’s considered “hipster”, like MGMT, Klaxons and similar bands 🙂

    • igorr

      in fact, searching for “hipster haircuts” on google is how I stumbled upon this article in the first place, I admit :)))

    • Sure, and I like Weezer and Cake too. Don’t let the hipsters ruin your music for you.

  • mrfixit

    omg i cant stop laughing.

  • Charlita

    My friend in college used to play this game on campus called “Indie kid or retard”. It was awesome.

  • An American Woman

    Fantastic post! Really well written. Some vintage clothes are nice though, Jackie O and Princess Diana, my fashion icons.

  • hipsterbeater

    I feel at home, hipster hating is great fun. Every now and then you can get one to lip off, i know its like beating a girl, but still is fun. Will let my hipster hating buddies know about this.

  • will

    I think its funny that you put so much time and effort into something you shouldn’t care about since you hate it so much,
    if you spend time thinking, ever, what makes this hatred of yours any better than racism, classism, or homophobia?
    so chill the fuck out and realize that its fashion, and hipsters have been around a lot longer than you think.

    IE: beatniks and Mods, Miles Davis, David Bowie, Andy Warhol, Brian Eno, David Byrne,
    the list goes on,

    quit being so close minded and learn to open up.

    • No, we hate hipsters and we find it entertaining to make fun of them. The rest of the world seems to agree with us because this is our most popular article bringing in more traffic than any other. Its a pretty successful article. Blogging is clearly not your forte while being a douchebag and/or a hipster seems to be more up your alley. Keep your advice to yourself.

    • It’s pretty stupid of you to compare the greats like Miles Davis, David Bowie, and David Byrne to the loser do nothing hipsters of today. Those great musicians are the opposite of today’s too-cool-for-everything hipster losers. Like you probably.

    • drew

      @ will

      You are really poor with analogies. I’m guessing your SAT scores were… disappointing.

  • hubert

    Wow…. living in LA I’m so surrounded by hipsters I never knew the difference. One thing i hate is how everyone has a frickin tattoo and feel so bad for those 5’1″, 150 lb hairdressers who work at floyds who have full body tattoos.

    “Grandma? Why is your body all shrivelled up and green. What happened?”

    “Well jenny, when I got my clit pierced I decided to do the whole thing. Its okay…”

    Sad….

  • Richard

    U mad bro?

    • John

      Talking about internet memes is about as cool as talking about your WOW account. No one cares and it makes people think you just got finished wolfing down an xl bag of cheetos as you sit alone in your parent’s basement.

  • Terri

    Hi, I just found this site, and have been reading quite a few articles. I must say I thoroughly enjoy every one of them. I haven’t commented on any yet, but this is too tempting to pass.

    I have never understood this hipster fad. Eventhough males do groom themselves, I can never see the appeal of metrosexuals. (I place hipsters in that category). Men taking care of how they look is very much appreciated, making sure they look neat and smell nice. Especially since they would like their women to be well groomed too.

    I’d like to add those man purses/handbags (?) and those square-shaped, usually checkered scarves that hipsters wear. They make me giggle everytime I see a person wearing those on the street. And its because of them thinking how cool they look, yet I find it utterly ridiculous.

    Preferences vary a lot though. I like my males to look manly, i.e nice jeans (not too baggy, definitely not skinny), a regular t-shirt, or a button down is always so sexy. But of course, there are other girls who probably like hipsters. Unfortunately, most of them are teens and think its a way to get accepted into the ‘popular trend’. I just hope this ‘fad’ will pass once they get older.

    (Excuse my English, it isn’t my first language)

    • Thanks for a great comment, I also forgot those scarves. Although with all the crap I have to travel with these days, I wouldn’t mind if I could wear a man-purse. But then I’d be a hipster or a Eurofag.

  • Roger

    I found this rant by accident and as we say in Scotland it is pure dead brilliant.

    I can kind of forgive the 20-year olds who are just going through a phase before they buy the suit and go to work in an office, but the full-time trustfund hipsters really do make me want to raise the black flag and start slitting throats.

    And that’s the point: ridiculing them will just affirm their sense of superiority – look at what happened to http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com – nothing other than a violent socialist revolution will make our cafes and bars and bookshops and galleries and arthouse cinemas and cool places anywhere on the planet safe again.

    • I think the violence would be minimal. One good thing about hanging out in hipster bars is no one ever has the balls to kick your ass no matter what you say to them. It would be pretty embarrassing to get beat up by some skinny jeans dude, though!

  • udolipixie

    The same hate could be applied to any fashion statement.

    • jeromy

      not mine

  • Curiepoint

    Yeah, your phony dress-like-a-retard-cuz-I’m-ironic-and-shit boyfriend sounds like he landed a real prize.

    Every generation has got it’s douche-bag fashion slave element.

  • Rachel

    You guys are losers, nobody listens to your shitty advice. I love my hipster boyfriend and I hate you.

    • goysnschnazis

      I fucked your hipster boyfriend in the ass…total Beta

  • greg

    sounds like you’re pissed that frail, skinny-jean, fashionable guys are stealing all your hot chicks. They’ll let you keep your Snooki’s. OH, YOU MAD!

    • They can keep them. Any chick that likes “frail”, skinny-jean, UNfashionable hipster douchebag losers definitely qualifies as a douchebagette. What kind of idiot considers this “fashionable” and what kind of drug abuse is required?

    • John

      I’m sure your cankled hipster chicks are much better.

    • goysnschnazis

      They can donate their BEARD to their girlfriends

  • ashley

    fuck you charlie! i think hipster boys are way cuter than you losers

    • goysnschnazis

      They are bottom bitches!

  • gitanguera

    i hate hipsters. i once wore a “strokes” t-shirt to my favorite local bar–this was back when i was in college in the ’90s, and the hipster scene was much smaller then–and an ugly, skinny hipster kid got all huffy because i was wearing the same shirt as him. he actually went home to change, and then came back to the bar to sulk in the corner all night. i considered that a small victory, because it spoiled his night but didn’t bother me a bit! what fun! 😀
    but seriously, i still love beautiful, healthy, and stylish women in vintage fashions, and classy, masculine men in fedoras. i will NOT let them coopt the best fashions america ever had to offer to be worn ironically with their buffalo plaid and skinny pants (which never, ever looked good on ANYONE)! if they’re upset that i showed up wearing the same oleg cassini dress, then THEY can go home and change. i’m sure i look better in it anyway.

    ps: don’t forget the plastic glasses–especially the ones with the lenses popped out. essential hipster accessory.

    • I can’t believe I forget to mention the stupid hipster glasses! Thanks for reminding me!

  • El Matador

    I think this could be filed under “rants”.

    • Stories From The Air

      I think it should be under “FUCK OFF!”

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