Do you know an asshole? I’m sure you do. Do you every feel like helping him with anything? Of course not. That dude is on his own. Maybe he’s got a hot girlfriend, but she’s just an insecure shell of a person with deep father issues or something, or she’s as big of a bitch as he’s an asshole. Congrats to him for getting that.
Let me dispel the rumor: Girls do not prefer assholes.
Girls like to feel good. They like to be with someone that makes them feel special and treats them well. Girls are always telling me how hard it is to find a nice guy these days. And if you are nice to people you will reap the benefits of that niceness in your whole life. This principle applies to all people. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, as the old saying goes.
Lesson for the day: Just be nice.
Now I used to be much more of an asshole than I am nowadays. I was younger and less established, and with that comes insecurity. My way of covering that was by being an arrogant jerk sometimes. But arrogance isn’t confidence. Truly confident people don’t have to put anyone else down to feel good about themselves. As I got older and found success and became truly confident I was able to be nice to most people and found great benefits from it in all areas.
You’d be amazed how just a little general amount of niceness goes such a long way. If you’re nice to random people they will often bend over backwards to help you out in return. Just an extra, “How are you” to a barista can often pay off big time later. Maybe he’s just some dude working in a coffee shop but he knows everyone that comes in there and can tell you who is a potential girl for you, who has the Mafia Douchebag boyfriend, and who might be a potential business partner. That’s just one practical application of this general principle.
Now being “nice” is often confused with being a “pussy.” Confident, cool, successful people don’t let themselves get walked on either. When people don’t do what you want them to, you may have to address it, but you can still be nice while you do it. Don’t lose your cool, don’t yell, don’t be mean. Just be nice, and polite, and fix the problem calmly.
A great time to apply this is in the situation that is the last time you would normally think of being nice: when you’re breaking up with a girl. In that instance it feels good, telling a girl everything that’s wrong with her and how she needs therapy, etc. But it’s totally unnecessary and it will jeopardize your ability to see her again. Trust me, in a year, you’ll want to at least spend a night or two with her every now and then. Why not keep the door open?
So just be nice, man. Smile, and tell her, “I’m so sorry it didn’t work out, babe. I want to say thanks so much for everything, I loved the time we spent together.” Don’t act sad, don’t delve into the details, just be nice, and thankful for what you got. No one has ever done that before to her. It will blow her mind, especially if she’ the one splitting up with you. My favorite Bulgarian girlfriend of all time, the only one I’d consider giving up the single dude travel lifestyle for broke up with me a couple years ago for family reasons and I gave her that speech, and just was patient. Two years later we went to the Dominican Republic together for vacation and then last month we spent two weeks together in Southern France and Amsterdam over the holidays. It’s good to keep the door open.
So try it: take a week and say, “Hi, how are you today?, to cashiers. Open doors for people. Smile. Remember that everyone else is a person too. Tell people that you appreciate them. Give your girlfriends a shoulder rub. Help blind nuns cross the street. Whatever. Most importantly, be nice to people without expecting anything for it. Check your results after a couple weeks. Are people treating you differently? How do you feel about yourself? About other people?
Just be nice.