Don’t forget to fuck the fat ones!

Fat Chick Kick LineYeah, I said it. Don’t forget to fuck the fat ones! Sometimes in life you are presented with a situation in which you have a choice: Am I going to “lower” my standards and bang this heifer? Listen, I can’t tell you whether the answer is yes every time, but as long as the chick is under 200 pounds, has a nice face, good skin and not 5’2” with all of that weight, I say go for it. Why? Why the fuck not?

The most common situation where this happens is when you are out with some buddies, you run into some chicks and one of them is overweight. This happens a lot. Skinny chicks like to hang with larger chicks to feel skinnier and larger chicks like to hang with skinny chicks to feel relevant. It also helps the larger chicks pull in some dick. A lot of times upon meeting a three top of chicks, you and your buddies have already talked about your personal targets. If I, ¡Raul!, am not into the boney chicks at the table, and the larger one is acceptable, I will claim her in a second. Why? I am a great teammate, I know I am going to get laid, and now I can party and get as fucked up as I want because this fat chick is going to do everything she can to make it happen with me. Listen, these fat chicks don’t get a chance with ¡Raul! that very often. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them. They jump on it like a tower of fried cheese covered in ranch dressing and bacon bits. After I have taken the fat one and probably made out with her very quickly, this automatically gives my boys a better shot at their tail.

“Wait, our fat friend is already getting some tongue from that hot Greek statue of a man? Well, she looks to be having a good time. I want that too!”

You are welcome teammates.

Now, ¡Raul!, “Isn’t it gross when you get their clothes off?”, you say. Not really. Hey, its just a roll here and a crevice there. But, most of the times there are going to be some good things too, like huge tits. If the chick has pretty good skin and is just a little large, she is going to look fine. Remember, you are probably drunk right now. If one position is not working for you, just resort to doggie. Pretty much any chick looks good doggie. It allows all the fat to shift forward and you to get your bone on. ¡Raul!’s personal secret is to carry around a small tin of flour. If you can’t find where to stick it, roll her in it and look for the wet spot. Booya.

Another thing to remember about these goddesses of gluttony is that fat can go to the lip area. This creates an amazing cushion for ¡Raul! to insert penis A into mouth B. If you have never received a blow job from a fat chick, you are missing out on life. It is truly one of life’s great things that must be experienced. Skinny chicks are not used to sticking things in their mouth. They do not eat. They don’t know what to do with it. But, those fat chicks? You fucking guessed it right. They have been practicing for years with fudge pops, fried chicken, lamb kebobs, you name it. They know what it feels like with a something large in their mouth and they know what to do with it. A fat chick will suck your dick like the antidote is in it. Period.

The final thing that ¡Raul! loves about banging Large Marge is that you really can try anything you want. I repeat, ANYTHING. One thing I would not recommend unless you are as large and muscular as me is putting her on top. If you can handle the weight, she will love it. She probably has not experienced that in a while. But, I repeat, you need to be of bodybuilder size and strength to accomplish such a feat. Have fun with her. She is like your own overly-inflated blowup doll.

So, let’s recount the qualities of fat chicks:

1. Usually easy
2. Great blowjobs
3. You can do anything you want
4. Did I mention easy?
5. Can make you a good teammate

Dudes, think what you want about this, but you are missing out if you don’t try it with that chick who’s only questionable attribute is her plumpness. It will be fun, and if not, you can always extract yourself from the situation by running, because who cares, she is not going to be able to catch you. She is fat.

Charlie adds:

I feel like I need to dissent.  However ¡Raul! has a pretty watertight argument here.  One thing I like about this also is that ¡Raul! and I never fight over chicks when we go out!  He is indeed a good teammate.  On the rest of this this I will respectfully abstain from the discussion.

Boris adds:

¡Raul! is right. This reminds of a joke that’s funny because it’s true: “Why are fat chicks and mopeds the same? They’re both fun to ride until a friend sees you!”

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