Why bars and clubs suck for meeting girls and malls are a virtual unguarded henhouse for men

A MallI have never really understood how guys hook up with desirable women at bars and clubs. First of all, those places seem to be populated mainly by skanks and second of all, if we took alcohol and drugs out of the equation, I’m not sure how lucky those guys would be getting. I am certain that it matters greatly to women how the narrative of how they met Mr Right reads. Their ideal story is that they were carrying milk in pails back from the market down a country road and a “real man” with honor and a horse chased them down and talked them in to taking a ride on their steed (this is how my grandparents met except my grandpas sister came along for moral support). They do not want to tell their Mom they met him while he was hanging out by the women’s bathroom at a club.

Why not just go to the mall, where the ratio is 25 women to every 1 man and they are nothing but all ears for your witty commentary on their choice of push-up bras? The mall, the natural habitat of women doing what they do most naturally; Spending someone else’s money on stuff to make themselves look better. They’re giddy with euphoria already, relaxed in a stimulating safe place unlike their defensive stance in the meat markets of nightlife. You can find any kind or flavor of girl you want there based on where she’s shopping.

Victorias secret: Inexperienced,feels sexy, wants romance, tired of watching Friends on TV with their 2 cats. These girls buy VERY padded bras.

MAC (makeup): the domain of strippers and wanna-be strippers and hookers as well as wanna-be hookers. Back-up dancers for hip-hop videos. A good place, really.

The Nail Salon: Filled with girls talking about how they don’t have a boyfried, great place to meet the Asians and Russians who work there. Wear clean socks, take a seat and hold court!

J Crew: Smokin’ preppy girls with money and ivy league ambitions.

Anthropologie: Emo girls in calico and hipsters. Move on.

bebe: Even the mannequins are slutty here. Actual girls you meet here will go home with you but they might barf in your bed too. High stalker quotient. Girls who shop here get their makeup done at MAC before they make a complete ass of themselves in the bars.

Burberrys: Prep school WASPS and hot black girls who wish they’d been born white and moneyed.

Walmart: The Jerry Springer show. She will sleep with you and your friends and your dad. (See www.peopleofwalmart.com).

Urban Outfitters: Young hipsters. Don’t go there on second thought…

Any bookstore: Just go to the subject section that interests you and wait for a girl to show up there. Plenty things to read while you wait.

Whole Foods: Girls who take care of themselves and can put their ankles behind their ears thanks to yoga classes.

BCBG: Overachieving sorority girls with money to spend. Serious talent here.

Starbucks: Girls go here to buy drinks that are called tall and skinny and to meet guys who will buy them their coffee. But you already knew this.

Abercrombie: Young and younger. Check IDs. Also underachieving sorority girls who will do a keg stand.

Banana Republic: Conservative girls named Louise and Beth. No cleavage zone.

Forever 21: Nobody here is 21. Redneck high school girls who will sleep with you if you tell them you are a vampire or a werewolf. Their mothers also shop here and will definitely sleep with you regardless of who you are as long you tell them they look 21.

William Sonoma: High earners who can cook well. Meet lonely MILFS and cougars here.

Caché: Russians and assorted tarts shopping for an outfit to wear to Atlantic City. They are older than they think they are.

McDonalds: Clearly not picky about what she puts in her mouth. Go for it!

You get the idea. Daytime is the most convenient time to shop for new phone numbers and it doesn’t require a big cash outlay or a hangover.

The makeup floor in department stores is basically a cage full of bored good looking girls who never get to interact with men all day and are dying to get picked up. Just say you are looking for a moisturizer as all lines carry one and they don’t care if you are there supposedly shopping for a woman. I am getting this verbatim from my smoking hot girlfriend that I met at Nordstrom.

So, just go to the mall and imagine you are at a cocktail party full of potentially great women. Work your way around the room (mall) chatting about any ridiculous thing that comes to your mind. The ones working there are usually bored stiff and look forward to being entertained and hopefully swept off their tired feet.

You are the fox in the henhouse.

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