Don’t be an asshole and don’t be a douchebag

Tucker MaxDon’t be an asshole.  Contrary to popular opinion this won’t help you get laid and it definitely won’t help you make any friends either.  Tucker Max is an asshole.  In his defense he admits to it freely.  However, Tucker Max does not get laid because he is an asshole.  Tucker Max gets laid because he’s a shameless self-promoter and somehow, against all odds, used his blog and (later) books to make himself rich and famous.  We don’t believe Tucker Max got laid 1/50th as much as he claims until after he became famous and even more so after he became rich.  If you think we’re unfairly attacking good old Tucker, tell us this, does this sound like a man who’s telling the truth (listen to the part where Opie and Anthony grill him on the video tape)?  Look carefully at his body language and listen to his tone of voice:

As for why he gets laid now, it’s simple: low quality chicks fuck rich and/or famous people no matter how big an asshole they may be.  These chicks are assholes, star fuckers, sluts, gold diggers or whatever you want to call them.  We prefer to call them “douchebagettes.”  That’s right, the female version of a douchebag.  If those are the kind of girls you’re looking for move along, that’s not what this blog is about.  We are here to show you how to meet quality women.

George Carlin says it best: “Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.”

At this point you may be saying “But I know a lot of assholes that get laid all the time.”, perhaps you do and perhaps they’re getting laid by douchebagettes or perhaps the girls dating them are just desperate because they live in a town full of chumps.  You see it’s not that girls are attracted to assholes but rather that they are intensely unattracted to push over nice guys.  Chicks want guys that are masculine, not push-overs and will stand up to them and protect them.  You could call it being an “alpha male”.  If a guy can’t stand up for himself how can he protect his girlfriend?  It just so happens that assholes usually have these important qualities also.  Push-overs are so intensely unattractive and “alpha male” qualities are so important to girls that they will overlook the fact that someone is a total asshole.

Girls will tell you that they want a prince charming, someone to bring them flowers every day, kiss their feet and hang on their every word.  They may even think and believe that’s what they want but they don’t.  There is no faster way to drive a girl away than to be prince charming.  How many “nice guys” out there are so perplexed that they can never get a girlfriend, they keep asking themselves over and over “Why doesn’t she like me?  I’m so nice to her!”   They don’t want nice!  Girls want to feel a variety of emotions, confusion, stress, happiness, excitement, etc.  They want an “emotional roller coaster ride”.    Guess who can give a girl an emotional roller coaster ride and who can’t?  That’s right, hanging out with an asshole is definitely an emotional roller coaster ride… a nice guy… not so much.  The thing that seems to be lost on so many people is that you can provide that emotional roller coaster ride without being an asshole.  There are hundreds of things you can do to make a date exciting.  If she’s the active adventure type take her bungee jumping.  Instead of taking her to a fancy restaurant just cook for her or better yet cook together and teach her how to make a special dish.  If you can play music take her out to a bar that has an open mic night, bring your instrument and jam for her. You get the idea.  The other piece of the puzzle is not to be too available in the beginning.  Miss that call once in a while.  Don’t be afraid to turn down an invitation because you’re busy (but be sure to suggest an alternate date if you like the girl).  Keep it light and fun. Don’t be an asshole.

Lesson 1:  You don’t have to be an asshole.

There’s another very important thing not to be… a douchebag.  If you don’t know what a douchebag is, head on over to or watch a couple episodes of The Jersey Shore.  These are the world’s two foremost leading sources on douchebagery.  These guys get laid for sure, but only because they’re on TV and only because they exclusively fuck douchebagettes.  Honestly, would you fuck this chick even with somebody else’s dick?  We wouldn’t.  Don’t be a douchebag.

Lesson 2:  Douchebags get laid sometimes, but not with quality girls.

PS If you’re one of the idiots that bought Tucker’s book “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” did you know that 90% (or more) of the material in that book was available free on his website for years (and still is)?

Charlie adds:
Tucker is a writer.  He’s a fraud, but some of his stories are pretty funny.  The problem I had was that reading his stories turned me into an asshole.  I would go to bars, get drunk and say anything.  Once Boris and I were in Philly for Halloween and he said, “Charlie, I want you to get Tucker Max drunk tonight”, and proceeded to start buying me shots.  Next thing I knew I was in his basement banging some 18 year old with fake boobs who I didn’t recognize.  Nor did I remember us traveling the 45 minutes to Boris’ place.  So apparently the Tucker Max Technique has some merit sometimes.

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