So, you are in the Central American training ground. Well, congrats on finally getting your passport, but please remember, this is only a stepping-stone filled with beautiful and willing land based mermaids that are an absolute pleasure. But, you must beware, they will try to pull you in with their everlasting longings for amor and to meet a gringo like you and have your babies. Remember: Stepping-stone.
First thing is first. When traveling to a new country, we will lump Central America together for now, it is essential to learn a few lines of the native tongue. This is easy because we all know at least a little Spanish, right? If not, don’t worry; it comes easier than you think. Why is this important? Well, just put yourself back in your own shoes for a bit. What makes a girl sexy? Body? Yes. Eyes? Check. Personality? Yep. But what is something that American girls lack? You guessed it, a foreign accent. Even Madonna tries to fake that shit! You just speaking a few words of the Latinas native tongue will probably lead to you getting more familiar with said organ. Does it matter if you are fluent? Not at first. Those few lines of introduction that appear in every forward of every shitty Spanish textbook will work wonders. And, remember, you are the person different from the other people in the room. You are the foreigner with the “cute” accent. Finally! At this point you have established yourself as being different than many Americans who make it to Central America. Most of these “We are here to spend our overvalued greenbacks in your third world country while we speak English as loudly as possible because it just might actually get you to understand our language which is not native to you” Americans will have already ruled themselves out of the equation for the finest that this region has to offer. This is a good thing, except for the fact that you will find yourself fighting through this stereotype around the world. And the way to easily break through that initial thought in their mind? That’s right, just a few lines of their language. They see it as maximum effort while deep down you are just repeating lines you learned 20 years ago about Maria going to the store to buy some groceries. This little bit of effort usually breaks down doors all over the world. If you want to get fancy, learn a joke or two. Make them clean and one that even a child would think is funny. No reason to be overly suggestive at this point. In fact, once you speak for two minutes in their language, you will find many of these “No speaky English” girls do indeed speak English and are highly educated. They just have this as an easily employed initial defense for the aforementioned typical douche.
Second thing; you must learn to dance. Yes, you read this right. You must learn to dance. Almost every larger city in Central America these days has free Salsa classes in the afternoon. They will try to entice you into more classes, but just like our language skills, the basics will get you laid. Why Salsa? It is easy and pretty much what every club is playing and the Latinas love it. Especially when you do it. Also, these salsa classes are an excellent place to meet women. They will know where to go do dance that night and every night. Again, you say, “I can’t dance!” Bullshit, you are a world traveler now and you must dance. Just like any other animal in the world, mating starts with some kind of dance. Like I said, don’t have any more lines to speak or even less money to spend? Dance. Plus, there is the added element of getting to inspect your goods before you try and it is pretty easy to start making out on the dance floor. Why not get rid of your hang-ups and use every opportunity to kick the tires and move on if she is a lemon. So, what we have so far: Speaking language → Simple Conversation → Dancing → Getting Laid.
Now, lets talk about four kinds of girls you will run into in Central America. You will find:
1. The Educated Professional Girl lost in a world of machismo
2. The Party Girl who will probably find you
3. The Traveling Euro Backpacker
4. The Working Girl.
The Educated Professional: Ok, this girl will throw up the most resistance of any Latina. Which for you, the superhuman with the ability to say “hola”, will not be too strong. This girl probably works as an employee for an outsourced English speaking company. She probably deals with stupid Americans all day long and the last thing she wants to meet is another idiot Gringo. You will meet this girl during the day at a coffee shop, at her job, or even easier, on the street. Strike up your conversation. Worried about what to say? Don’t be, “Hola, como estas?” Works wonders. In fact, if you are not fluent, your conversation will most likely turn to English at her direction. Ask her where all the beautiful chicas like her go to dance, as you love to dance salsa now. If she doesn’t know of any places or is unreceptive, don’t fight too long; she might just be lame and there are too many other willing and able participants on the same street. Now, meet her at said club, if she doesn’t flake, buy her an 80-cent drink and party your ass off.
The Party Girl: Well, things not working out with the Educated Professional Girl? No problem, she probably brought friends with her or there are plenty of girls in the club already. Most of the times, said Party Girl will give you eyes and, in these cases, never hesitate, just walk up immediately and ask her to dance. Don’t establish a monetary relationship by offering a drink. Offer your exotic looking self to them and drop the “money will get me what I want” American attitude. It’s not really attractive and embarrassing. Plus, whom are we talking about here? Party Girls, that’s who. These girls can also be found towards the end of the night in clubs so do not despair if things aren’t going your way. This is not to say hang around and prey on the drunk ones, as many of these Latinas drink little and dance a lot. But, they do not want to go home alone. Be patient.
The Traveling Euro Backpacker: I will not spend too much time on these girls other than letting you know that they do exist. They are usually on a year or so journey after school to see the world ad experience life, but they will be returning to a nice setup in whatever country they are from. They are generally pretty nice and travel in packs. If you get time with these ladies, make it quick. Get their Facebook info and establish yourself as a nice guy. They will come in handy later when we expand our horizons to Europe. They will have a place to stay, will show you around, and will love having a foreign boy toy to show around. But remember, when in a country, there are a few good hints; drink the local libations and fuck the local women. This is why you are there. Unless these backpackers are a sure slam-dunk, leave them be after you get info and move on to the locals.
The Working Girl:
The working girl is well known in such places as Costa Rica (even government regulated).
Ok, so, we all know that these girls exist and are sometimes the hottest girl you would have fucked. But, we don’t need to pay for it anymore. We are youngish stud and this is for middle-aged men who have retired or are on vacation and have never had the self-confidence to speak to women anywhere. For a few dollars they can suddenly feel like a woman actually likes their fat ass. Why not go after numbers 1-3. Those choices are superior because of the ability to come back to them pretty much any time you want in the future. The working girls? Sure you can come back, but only with greenbacks.