Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 13

Haiku


Dude, get off your ass.
Make something of yourself.
No more bitching out.

Lets see… cucumber,
zucchini, eggplant, carrot.
She gets the idea.

I can’t believe it!
Bastards! Why don’t they love me?
I deserve it all!

What a bunch of shit.
The great neighborhood is lost.
Why, Amsterdam? Why?!?!

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 12

Hot Tattoo Chinese Girl

Want to eat healthy?
Stop being so damn lazy.
Farmers’ Market. Go.

Big mushroom benders,
can be good or get messy.
Not dull with ¡Raul!

Las Vegas Mangal!
It’s like a douche/ho contest.
Everybody wins!

Stewardess? Sky Hag?
One instead of the other?
Asia or U.S.

Oh no, where is he?
I lost my fairy wingman.
Nope! He is in back!

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 11

Haiku

So I’m back bitches
Did you all miss me a lot?
Everybody does.

Hipsters are the worst.
Lame tattoos. Lame hair. Lame ‘stash.
Everything is lame.

“Baka laka dak”
That means you are a pussy
For hiding your chicks.

Do something with life
Don’t let the chicks pass you by
The gravy train ends…

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 11

Haiku

Treat her like a queen.
Give her all you’ve ever had.
You are not worthy.

Be original.
Grow an ironic mustache.
Hipsters know what’s up.

Don’t ever travel.
Really unsafe and dirty.
Stay at home and live.

Do not fuck her right.
She will stick around for sure.
Chicks hate to get banged.

Confidence scares chicks.
Don’t walk around with too much.
She won’t talk to you.

Don’t learn languages
English is enough for sure
They can learn instead

April Fools Bitches
You totally fell for it
Now go be a man

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 10

Haiku

And now, for a special edition of Haiku Corner, I will write about my favorite time of year…

Springtime. The best time.
Off come coats and heavy clothes.
Goods are on display.

Her flower smells bad.
Stay away from that action.
Nose clip and doggy.

Sun feels amazing
Remember sunscreen. If not…
You’ll turn to leather.

You must get in shape.
Girls do not like to whale watch.
Unless it’s Raul!’s…

It’s time for Spring Break!
Shots. Bombs. Contests. Loose women.
Don’t forget condoms.

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 9

Haiku

Join the ‘Mile High Club’
Best chance with Stewardesses
Or that grandmother

Make money money
You have to do it yourself
Learn your trade, Sucka!

Pot. Ladies. Party.
Booze. Art. Music. Culture. Food.
You guessed… Amsterdam.

Long flights really suck.
Prepare well. You’re almost there.
She’s waiting for you.

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 8

Haiku

Look there, she is large.
Not too fat but really big.
No one’s looking? Go!

Don’t waste your money.
Being flashy works on ho’s,
but you are no pimp.

This place is too loud.
What? I can’t hear you. What? Fuck!
Turn the music down!

Wear nice clothes that fit.
They will show off your body.
You are working out?

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 7

Haiku

Pickup artist scam
These guys are totally lame
No skills past pickup.

Sit in an office?
Wasting away? Wasting life?
Dude, get the fuck out.

Ok, it looks good.
Making it happen. Cough! Cough!
Hair in throat. Choking!

They have their tricks too
Makeup. Extensions. Girdle.
Will change in morning.

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 6

Haiku

Why me over you?
Might be taste. Might be bias.
Might be my huge dick.

So, she likes cosmos
It’s late. She debates one more
Stock chick drinks at home

She said she has kids
No, it’s not a deal breaker
Still, it’s time to…RUN!

Just be a good guy
You will find quality girls…
Who have hot sisters!

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 5

Haiku

Buy that chick a drink?
What has she done to earn it?
Throw charm and not cash.

¡Raul!’s favorite?
Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! ASS!
I can’t get enough!

She’s with her brother
He tries to introduce you
Wait! He is her pimp!

Play with all her parts
They are fun and rewarding
Kindness is repaid