Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 10

Haiku

And now, for a special edition of Haiku Corner, I will write about my favorite time of year…

Springtime. The best time.
Off come coats and heavy clothes.
Goods are on display.

Her flower smells bad.
Stay away from that action.
Nose clip and doggy.

Sun feels amazing
Remember sunscreen. If not…
You’ll turn to leather.

You must get in shape.
Girls do not like to whale watch.
Unless it’s Raul!’s…

It’s time for Spring Break!
Shots. Bombs. Contests. Loose women.
Don’t forget condoms.

Hey Boris and Charlie, remember my first day and night in San Jose, CR?

Playboy Bunny

What do Playboy bunnies, hookers, casinos, gay guys and heavy drinking at an open bar have in common? They were all there on my first day in Costa Rica. On my first trip to Costa Rica I arrived a few days after Boris and Charlie. They were there in our friend’s really sweet penthouse condo in Escazu, the rich expat suburb of San Jose. After I arrived the three of us amigos decided we would go and figure out what downtown San Jose was like. One word. Dirty. From the streets to the hookers. Dirty. The three of us headed into the famous Del Rey Casino which consists of gaming, a hotel, a bar and is loaaaaaaaaded with … [Read more]

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 9

Haiku

Join the ‘Mile High Club’
Best chance with Stewardesses
Or that grandmother

Make money money
You have to do it yourself
Learn your trade, Sucka!

Pot. Ladies. Party.
Booze. Art. Music. Culture. Food.
You guessed… Amsterdam.

Long flights really suck.
Prepare well. You’re almost there.
She’s waiting for you.

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 8

Haiku

Look there, she is large.
Not too fat but really big.
No one’s looking? Go!

Don’t waste your money.
Being flashy works on ho’s,
but you are no pimp.

This place is too loud.
What? I can’t hear you. What? Fuck!
Turn the music down!

Wear nice clothes that fit.
They will show off your body.
You are working out?

Friday Poetry Corner: An Ode to Costa Rica

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Ohhhhh, Costa Rica!
You Switzerland of the Latin World,
You regulator of the working girl.

You cheap if I wanteth you to be,
You great supplier of dentistry.

From your high mountain tops,
To your women’s boobs that almost pop.

Your Imperial Beer is not the best,
Luckily you serveth all the rest.

Your downtown San Jose is trashy,
Except for the casinos, sticketh to the Del Ray and Key Largo for flashy.

They are filled with beautiful girls,
That you may taketh up and give a whirl.

The cost is not too much to handle,
Less than a hundred dollars get’s you till the end of the candle.

… [Read more]

Don't forget to fuck the fat ones!

Fat Chick Kick Line

Yeah, I said it. Don’t forget to fuck the fat ones! Sometimes in life you are presented with a situation in which you have a choice: Am I going to “lower” my standards and bang this heifer? Listen, I can’t tell you whether the answer is yes every time, but as long as the chick is under 200 pounds, has a nice face, good skin and not 5’2” with all of that weight, I say go for it. Why? Why the fuck not?

The most common situation where this happens is when you are out with some buddies, you run into some chicks and one of them is overweight. This happens a lot. Skinny chicks like to … [Read more]

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 7

Haiku

Pickup artist scam
These guys are totally lame
No skills past pickup.

Sit in an office?
Wasting away? Wasting life?
Dude, get the fuck out.

Ok, it looks good.
Making it happen. Cough! Cough!
Hair in throat. Choking!

They have their tricks too
Makeup. Extensions. Girdle.
Will change in morning.

Valentine's Day Special: How I, ¡Raul!, make love to a beautiful woman

Hot Cupid

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you all have a special someone tonight to make sweet love to.  ¡Raul! likes Valentine’s Day because all his girlfriends are dying to be one of the two or three girls ¡Raul! will have time for today.  Many people have asked me, “¿¡Raul!, how do you keep all the ladies coming back for more?” Well, it is simple, ¡Raul! is not only charming, intelligent, good looking, experienced in death defying feats of badassness and very gifted physically, but he is also a world class lover.  Whenever I make love to a woman I always make sure to do it right the first time. The first time can include the actual first time, or sometimes, … [Read more]

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 6

Haiku

Why me over you?
Might be taste. Might be bias.
Might be my huge dick.

So, she likes cosmos
It’s late. She debates one more
Stock chick drinks at home

She said she has kids
No, it’s not a deal breaker
Still, it’s time to…RUN!

Just be a good guy
You will find quality girls…
Who have hot sisters!

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 5

Haiku

Buy that chick a drink?
What has she done to earn it?
Throw charm and not cash.

¡Raul!’s favorite?
Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! ASS!
I can’t get enough!

She’s with her brother
He tries to introduce you
Wait! He is her pimp!

Play with all her parts
They are fun and rewarding
Kindness is repaid