Brussels: Don't Bother, Dudes!

Piss StatueEarlier in the summer I found myself in Brussels, Belgium (Bruxelles) for a few days visiting a friend and just like every other time I’ve visited that town I had the same reaction:

“Ugh. This place sucks. Why did I come here?”

It’s been three times now that I’ve visited for a day or two, and let me tell you dudes, Brussels is not a single dude recommended destination. It’s boring, expensive, and has virtually no hot chicks. The only redeeming feature of Brussels is the excellent and extremely strong Belgian beer, very well paired with mussels in beer sauce and French fries. But one well designed beverage-meal combination is not nearly enough to balance against the world-class lameness of Brussels.

Only the French and Belgians can consider lameness and boringness something deserving national pride. That’s their response when I say, “What is with this town? There’s no place fun to go out, everything closes early, people are uptight, there’s no hot chicks, and the most famous piece of artwork in town is a statue of some little kid pissing? What gives?”

This is Belgium. That’s just the way we do things here. It’s our national character. Why do you Americans always expect everything to be like how you are used to it in America?”

Ok Jean-Michiel, let’s get a couple things straight. First of all, I am not complaining because Brussels is not like America, I’m complaining because it has too much in common with America. I’m complaining because it’s has no hot chicks that can compete with Eastern Europe, is approximately 5% as fun as the very nearby Amsterdam, and is filled with a bunch of delusional Euretards who think that they are accomplishing something great for humanity as they fold napkins at the bar on the Euro Hindenburg seconds before the whole thing burns up in the sky. Therefore, Brussels is definitely one of those cities that fall in the category of “don’t go here unless you’re getting paid well” cities. Although if you are getting paid well to be there you probably work for the EU and are a completely delusional retard who thinks your mediocre slightly overweight entitled French girlfriend is hot, and are therefore not a regular reader of our site. If you just happened to stumble on this article, dude, you gotta wake up. Your Euro experiment is a failure, there’s no leadership in Brussels at all, and now would be a good time to bail on the corporate/government job prison and redeem the rest of your life before you’re too old to enjoy it.

Thursday night is the weekly hang for the EU and related kids in the square near to the Parliament, so I rolled down there with an open mind to see how the scene was. There were a couple thousand young staffers for the EU and and young workers for all the attendant leech non-governmental lobbying and charity organizations that gather round big government shit like those little fish that swim around a big fish eating the seaweed off their gills.

When I walk out of my door for the first time of the day in my Eastern European city where I’m living on a quiet side street, I often see a super hot chick as soon as I open the door. It’s a little bit shocking when I’m in my slippers and usually more than a little bit hung and just dropping to the corner shop to pick up brunch vegetables. Brussels however, has no hot chicks, just more mediocre entitled Western feminists. That Thursday night was an ocean of 5s, as far as the eye could see. No hot chicks anywhere, I swear to God. Even a Midwestern American cow town has some hot chicks but I didn’t see one that night in Brussels, with the possible exception of a Slovakian girl I talked to for a while who, while cute, wouldn’t get looked at twice on the street in Bratislava. The rest were just thouroughly mediocre Western European girls who weren’t trying to look good at all. No high heels, no hot outfits, no makeup, they showed zero effort. If everyone gets their own Hell mine might be having to live forever at a big cocktail party in Brussels with a bunch of arrogant mediocre feminist wanna-be politicians.

One type of girl I have lots of trouble getting along with is the overeducated professional charity type girl who thinks she’s really smart and destined to change the world though lobbying the EU to change their environmental standards at the next Constitutional Faggotvention. They really live in a fantasy world, as is obvious after chatting with several of these graduates of some Euro version of Sarah Lawrence University. I spoke with several after drinking some delicious Belgian White and was just amazed at how stuck in their own little fantasy world these supposed young leaders of Europe were.

Overall, I have been surprised this summer in Europe how many people I have spoken to who appear quite intelligent that have no understanding of the amount of shit that the Eurozone is in right now. I kept hearing these Euretards saying something like,

The Euro will be ok, they just need to contain the crisis and everything will be fine. French people will continue to be able to work 35 hours weekly and take the summer off for their country house and there will be permanent peace and prosperity in Europe despite the continent’s 2000+ year history of war, genocide, and financial Great Devaluations. But now, we have finally changed human nature and solved all those pesky problems, and of course the world center of that historic accomplishment is of course…

Brussels! The home of the Euretards. Just don’t bother, dudes. Amsterdam is just a couple hours away by train. Even if you’re working in Brussels, it’s worth a 4 hour commute, even for just a couple drinks. I could go on and with more reasons why the Single Dude should skip Brussels, but I think I just won’t bother.

  • ProudToBeBelgian

    First time i see a country described and judged by the way girls look like? Sorry but belgium is not some crazy retarded country like the US where 90% of people just care about how they look, how can you judged belgium while saying that girls aren’t doing any effort, they just dont give a shit about what people are thinking a be who they are, not who some crazy look based society tell them to be, unlike in america.
    Belgium is an open minded country with an anormous amount of beautiful place to visit and the author of this article is clearly not knowing whats his talking about

    • Manuel

      Sounds like you haven’t seen much in general. Crawl back in your hole.

  • tropical

    Stay away from this shit. I lived there 2 years
    Waste of time. Its depressive, drifters everywhere, girls dont feel safe everybody looks at the ground. Thus hard to approach. No decent nightclub. French people are hard to connect with if you dont speak the languages. Besides all that the city is crawling with immigrants. Beware the commune center to register it takes ages
    Stay away from this shit if you love your life.

  • Lana

    I am beautiful Eastern Europian :) and I agree , Brussels and whole Belgium the most ugly place I ever lived ;) With no gentlemen around , and really bad looking women . The worst place I ever lived. Belgiand have really bad genetic . Sorry to say it .

  • Otherdude

    Brussels suck brahs!

    i live and work in Brussels almost 3 years now
    and i can say those last 3 years were the worst years in my life…
    i came from a southern mediterannean european country

    where to start and where to finish

    Weather sucks(well belgians can’t do a lot abou that)

    People suck they are all a bunch of fucking weirdos
    they are rude,miserable,cold they always looking at you weird
    when you walk they looking at your shoes or your clothes lol
    like its the first time they see someone dressed well

    if it happens to speak your language or a different language in front of them even english
    they re usually getting panic and they think that you are some kind of a criminal and they stare at you like you are some kind of alien and they wonder
    what is your origin…you will always going to hear that kind of a question “Vous Etes quelle origine?”
    fucking morons

    people in shop suck

    security guards in the shops suck…

    bus drivers suck

    no good looking chicks.
    chicks are mediocre
    except some hot young moroccan ladys(not the hijab ones)

    but srsy the worst of all in brussels are the women who born and raised here
    damn….. dont know how to describe these women…
    they re probably the biggest who@@ in EU and especially the married women
    they all cheat their husbands-boyfriends in at least a 70% percent
    and the worst of all?
    not with some kind of hot good looking guys
    but with some kind of mediocre ugly looking north african dudes pakistan or black guys

    funny and ironic is that if it happens that you are a young good looking guy
    these women will pretend at you that they are virgins and it will not be easy for you to pick them up lol

    if you are single and white guy you are fucked lol
    brussels chicks will not going to like you they all prefer some kind of arab pakistan black dark skin guys
    chicks in brussels are so retarted that that white men are less masculine from all these arab pakistan african guys LOL

    dont bother brahs…

    brussels suck balls

  • Momin

    In brussel fuse club is for gay ?

  • Momin

    Hi ,in November I am going in brussel . Anyone known which night club I can get a girl easy? In brussel which night club full of girl ? Thanks

  • Manolo E Constantino

    I agree to most comments, been here before and should have known better. Indeed this part of Europe is so depressing! I’m bored here. Nothing spectacular, too expensive, shops closes too early, metro sucks, not a lot of good looking people, mostly eurotards, lack of beautiful modern shopping malls, litters on most public areas, and a stupid little statue of a boy pissing located in a very indescreet corner that’s more like an alley…really…what gives?

  • dark@dark.dark

    It’s not just Brussels, it’s the whole country.

  • Blueandgreenmakecyan Tass

    Eh, I live in Belgium. Brussels sucks, no one really lives there except immigrants who can’t afford to move out of the ctiy. No one goes there except if they have to for their job. The rest of Belgium is nice, Brussels sucks, probably the worst place to visit in Belgium. The tourists that visit Brugge tend to have a much much better time than the ones visiting Brussels. If you go to Belgium, do not visit Brussels, not even us natives go there anymore.

  • Poopy dude

    Brussels is gay North America is better we all get it now move on with ur lives dick heads

  • Sebastian

    I’ve been living in Brussels for almost three months now. All I can say is I am severely depressed…..and I wasn’t before I came here. It’s the most boring and inane place I’ve ever been to with practically nothing to do in your free time. Don’t believe those who claim life in Brussels is good and that the city is pretty amazing… They either lie or they are equally boring and inane individuals. Period.

  • Dimi

    I’ve been living in Brussels for the past year and a half, and unfortunately I came to realize that this article is true. The women here indeed all look mediocre. I don’t know what it is… maybe the weather (constant cloud/drizzle) or the food…. I have no clue. They don’t take care of themselves. On the rare occasions that you might see a good-looking woman you will notice they are of eastern origin.

  • Temp Traveler

    I am supposed to travel to Brussels after 2 months for an official relocation of 1 year from India. After reading all of the above comments I am getting bit scared. Is it a good place to spend an year over there ? Any idea about avg cost of living over there.
    I will be having max 1200 per month to spend. Is it reasonable salary guys ……

  • jajabontanique

    I am a Chinese and I work in an international organization in Brussels city center. Even at the standard of an Asian guy like me, Brussels is extremely boring !! Women are arrogant and they are walking with the nose in the air !!

  • Athina

    I am surprised to read that in Brussels you only have retarded eurocrates. Brussels is a multicultural city with many interesting muséums to visit along with nice neighbourhouds with art nouveau and baroque style houses. I am also astonished to read that only the Manekken Pis is Worth visiting. I can add the Grand Place, la place des palais, le sablon, the Atomium, les marolles, the unknown soldier, monument, the royal cathedral and the list goes on.

    Brussels has a biligual status having both a flemish and francophone influence that the article forgets on purpose to mention. In Brussels we don’t only ear mussels and fries. There are other Belgian dishes like vol au vent or carbonade flamande along with all other international restaurants where the visitor can have dinner.

    Above all the author of the article is ignorant about the city of Brussels and i doubt if he speaks any additionnal language apart from English.

    • Charlie Bushmeister

      Au contraire, Euretard. Je parle francais, espanol, bulgar, chinois, et un peux de italien. Je parle pas bien donc je peux le parlez assez bien pour savoir que Bruxelles est un piece de merde ville plein de idiots comme vous.

      • youfools

        well you should also learn to speak french ant not using google traduction, retard

  • Andy Bleaden

    You do need to either get out more or look in the mirror. Brussels is a great place to be.

    • Charlie Bushmeister

      Maybe you need to get out more, dude. Brussels sucks balls.

  • rakka

    I am a world traveller and I think Brussels is nice, good food, artsy, cultural, and glad is not the fucking US of A…. I actually think the opposite, the US is a mega gigantic shithole the size of the moon, what the fuck do u do in a country where the only thing to do is go to the shopping mall, and of course you need to drive there because it’s all suburbias and strip malls and highways and the only purpose in life is to buy useless shit…. As far as American women??? bunch of fat cunts with an attitude, especially the white ones are so easy is not even funny…. wanna go to bed with a gringa? buy her a beer!!

    from NYC to miami, to SF the US is one big shopping mall full of conceited bottom of the barrel bitches that weight as much as they’re conceited.

    Another horrible shithole is the UK…. awful food, awful weather, awful people, awful culture, awful racism, awful everything.

    I enjoyed Brussels, much more than that shitty island accross the channel.

    • FM

      Rakka, I think you get a relax pill! You mention the UK, with shit weather…why is the weather good in Brussels???? I’ve lived in Brussels for a long time…and the weather sucks!!!! It is actually much better in the UK or Ireland!

  • Mike

    Hi, is it possible to find girl for relaxing for the night in Brussels?

  • Nicholas MOSES

    @Manuel Pfister: see the movie l’Auberge espagnole and you’ll understand perfectly, but I’ll explain to the best of my ability. “Erasmus” is the coordinated intra-European transnational cultural exchange among institutions of post-secondary education. The stereotype (I know people who have done Erasmus who aren’t like this, but I have known people who are and I suspect there are far more, in the circles of people I choose NOT to know, who ARE) is one of deracination, loose morals, “hipster” mentality, diluted national pride, an über-“tolerant” outlook which naturally does not preclude mocking and stereotyping Brits and Americans (and while I can understand to a point, I’m sick of hearing about us) and an elitist obsession with international exchange as the solution to World Peace.

    • Manuel Pfister

      Sounds like a grotesque Frankenstein’s monster created by an orgy between ultra liberals and hipsters. Is that about right?

      • Nicholas MOSES

        Not far off at all! And to boot, each appendage of the Frankenstein monster is from a different nationality. :)

        Technically, though, I’d probably lump both groups under the umbrella “Bourgeois Bohemians,” since in Europe, if you say “liberal,” people think “classical liberal” or “free-market economics” – views typically associated more with the center-right! Also, “Bourgeois Bohemians” is understood to definitely include but not be limited to “hipsters,” a term which carries specific fashion connotations.

        By the way, there’s another archetype that’s equally nauseating to anyone who has to live in Paris: the “Caviar Left,” which in France includes the left wing of the financiers and the elites from most mainstream periodicals except Le Figaro. In America, as you know, this archetype is known as the “Limousine Liberal,” or, if he’s more intellectually committed and overtly Red, a “Mercedes Marxist.” In Britain the term is “Champagne Socialist,” and in other countries it’s dubbed “The Tuscany Faction” or “The Radical Chic.” These are the kinds who tout the nauseating Auberge espagnole culture but more as a sort of opiate for the unwashed masses – they themselves would never suffer to live in a flatshare, naturally!

        • Manuel Pfister

          An yes the European brethren of the scum we have in the US. Have they not started to get even the slightest inkling that they are starting to run out of other people’s money yet?

  • Nicholas MOSES

    I am a soon-to-be-ex-American expatriated in Paris. Charlie’s grim description of the Euro-Brussels psychological meltdown complex is quite accurate, although there are plenty of down-to-Earth, ordinary folk here in France who understand full well how much trouble we are all headed for. They aren’t the type that tourists or expats are very likely to come by, though, at least not at first: the Bourgeois Bohemian, or “hipster” as we Yanks call them, obsessed as this class is with “international exchange” and the grotesque Erasmus culture so perfectly and so ghastlily played in “L’auberge espagnole,” are the more likely early encounters.

    • Manuel Pfister

      What’s the “Erasmus culture”? Please explain.

  • Grimbert

    The Cantillon brewery and the Thermen Dilbeek make a trip to Brussels worthwhile.

  • Lars

    Therefore, next time someone comes to Brussels, just let me know:
    Not so easy but some fun can be found. :-)
    SU Lars

  • Vader

    I have to agree with most everything. The one redeeming thing is I’m/and some others are able to make a lot of money consulting because we are innovative/dynamic, while the majority of people/businesses here are not. So sometimes the work experience and environment can be great in the right situation.. many businesses are willing to pay a pretty good price for foreign/advanced/dynamic perspective..How ever, being an under 30/dude with his own business, Brxl is a lame place with lame people overall. There are no young people who are dynamic and or business minded, just this EU-Narnia-naive as all hell still doing internships type or making their 1800-2600 a month on a shit highly taxed BE contract at and NGO or firm from LSE, Sciences PO or College of Europe, thinking they are living the high life while wanting to regulate everything they don’t understand or start another “stake holder dialog”.. or both. I find wet blankets every where here – absolutely no one is doing anything cutting edge. And only a few are willing to try.

    Another thing is just about every time I go out, whether in a suit or even jeans, at some point some girl or guy will come up to me out of the blue and pick a fight with me about business/taxes/social injustice etc. I must admit I kind look the part of an evil consultant from a movie, but it gets old constantly having to defend myself or just always having to talk about for “being corporate” and “you are evil” blah blah jargon. About 85% of the people seem to not like the idea of being original, having ideas and seeing someone succeed, they want everyone to be the same, make the same.This really adds to Brussels generally sucking at everything. Ambition and breaking long held paradigms is not a quality that is valued by anyone less a few. Although they lap up american innovations, while complaining at the same time over a cigarette…

    I’m waiting for the day when my experience is more horizontal and I can make a similar amount of $ somewhere else. Un/fortunately my network is good here but I’m really trying to get out of this web..

    • Manuel Pfister

      I for one am glad that the US and Europe are imploding. Finally the liberal scum are getting what they deserve and what they’ve been voting for for years.

  • vlad tepid

    Damn it! I have a business trip there in a few weeks and I was hoping….well, damn it.

  • Deavl

    You’ll find that Belgium is like two countries stuck together, an unhappy relationship so to say

    You have the Flemish up top who speak Dutch and hate the shit out of the Walloons who live in the lower part, speak French and hate the shit out of the Flemish.
    The Flemish will usually know Dutch,English and maybe French, the Walloons will know French and maybe Dutch or English.
    The Walloons see Brussels as their capital, the Flemish see Antwerp as their capital.
    This is because Brussels (marked as both Flemish and Walloon on the map) is actually filled and pretty much owned by Walloons

    Source: I’m Flemish (all hail bias)

    • Ghentleman

      Antwerpenaars see Antwerp as their capital, the Flemish tend to regard whatever town their grandmother is from as the source of all truths!

  • rauelNoman

    That’s my reaction to the 3 days I spent in Vienna, terrible. Except Vienna itself is a giant outdoor museum so you can spend a few days seeing the art, architecture, and cultural attractions at least.

  • Kim du Toit

    I spent a week there once; it was the longest month of my life. Only reason to visit is the chocolate, and you can get the same chocolate in Bruges (which IS worth the visit). I saw one beautiful girl while I was there and… she was a visitor from Poland.

  • Eastern.European.Expatriate

    Great writing Charlie. I especially liked your euroretards part and description of your Hell. haha
    I was also born in Bratislava.
    Keep up the good work!

  • Buckaroo Banzai

    Been to Brussels 4 or 5 times over the last 25 years. Pretty much everything you wrote was spot-on, but I feel obliged to add my 2 cents.

    Only thing worth seeing is the Grand Place, and that takes 5 minutes.The beer is fucking amazing. So is the chocolate. I don’t like French Fries, so, fuck that.

    That concludes the list of the positives. Large sections of the town are dirty and run-down, with lots of boarded up storefronts– and this was the last time I was there, ~5 years ago, so given the Euro crisis it is undoubtedly worse now. The subway stinks– literally, it smells awful–and some definitely sketchy characters. Women: horrible. And its the seat of the EU which is a disaster (but you already covered that). Etc. Etc. Etc.

  • sanjay

    the one redeeming quality of belgium. but not brussels. brussels sucks.

    • Sebastian

      well…. i agree with thise guy.

  • Varst

    I’m Belgian and I completely agree.
    I just got back from Serbia and Bulgaria and i just want to smash my head against a wall. The weather always sucks, looking at an average Belgian girl almost makes you question your sexual orientation and to make matters even worse, the few girls that do look like they are worth your time are mostely seen hand in hand with a jersey shore cast look a like. That being said, Brussels is definitely the worst of the worst. For instance I live in a average flemish town with ± 50.000 inhabitants. Although we don’t have any major clubs, bars here only get empty and close around 6 in the morning. If you find yourself in Belgium for some reason I would advise going to Ghent, Leuven or even Bruges. Especially during “college season” there are a lot of parties since they are all college towns. But since most EE cities are a 2 hour cheap ryanair flight away… Don’t bother.

  • Mr Rabbit

    I spent a weekend in Brussels while on a business trip in 2000. I wanted to see what real Belgians were like so I took a cab and drove off the beaten path to some local pubs. In short, they were the scariest and most unsettling people I’ve ever experienced. I made my way through a thick bar crowd of overweight unattractive women with the brightest thickest lipstick I’ve ever seen. They looked like clowns. I was never engaged in conversation at any of the bars and found the locals to be very standoffish and strange. There was another bar that was recommended by some local called Der Bozo. It was expensive, had better looking young women than the local pubs, but again, totally unfriendly. I tried to engage some in conversation to be blown off repeatedly. It was a lonely place to be for a single visiting American. And of course, you had to pay to piss at this place. On the way to the bar, the cab passed several hookers displayed behind lighted windows on a very dark street. They were all fat and mostly black. I went to Amsterdam after that and it was quite a different experience. Screw Belgium.

    • Charlie Bushmeister

      Nice story, that sounds about right.

      Come on, is anyone going to stick up for Brussels?

  • Mister Grumpus

    (‘Heck you doing in Brussels anyway? Air tickets ain’t cheap.)

  • from brussels with love

    Well, I live in belgium and work in brussels, and i have to second that, brussels sucks both for men and for women, it is the way it is by the high percentage of immigrants (criminals). And i guess you already know what kind of people voted for the politics that let them in … . The rest of the country is much of the same but i think brussels is the worst city of the country.

    • Jon the immigrant

      I’m english, I’m in brussels….therefore I’m an “immigrant”…are you calling me a criminal?…for what? there doesn’t seem like much worth taking TBH. besides…you copy everything we do, only 10,20,50 years later so soon you’ll be a criminal too..hahaha

  • M

    I concur completely, Charlie. I HATE going to Brussels (and to Belgium in general), and I have to do it far too often. The beer can be the one redeeming quality of this otherwise bleak little accident of European history.

    The guys from the UK version of the show “Top Gear” summed up Belgium quite well in one episode as “A country that was created so that Britian and Germany would have somewhere to go to settle their differences.”

    To me Belgium is nothing but farms, factories, traffic and rain (and rain, and rain, and rain). It reminds me of a rainy version of New Jersey (my appoligies to readers from the Garden State).


  • Dirty Randy

    Charlie, I have to agree with you 100%. First off let me say I am huge fan of the site (first found it while Goggle’ing things to do while I sat in the square in Antigua, Guatemala). Brussels is one of my least favorite cities of all-time. The coolest thing to see there is potentially a nice sunset by climbing the ugly 9 story parking garage in the middle of the city. The girls there, don’t even get me started. Like you mentioned, a bunch of wanna-be young professionals thinking they are intelligent and entitled, living in the world of Narnia. Also, it almost made me laugh how the degenerates of Brussels (domestic and foreign) congregate on the steps of the stock exchange there. A picture is worth a thousand words to describe the Euro-crisis in the EU capital city. For those of you who happen to find yourself in Brussels, or even Belgium for that matter, try some Trappist beer and educate yourself on it, it will be worth it a thousand times over. Besides that, I second the notion that Brussels is NOT a good single dude destination. As many people in Brussels told me when I questioned the city and the Manekkan Pis, their reply was “We are just eccentric in Belgium.” I think the English translation for that Is BORING. Guys, keep up the good work. Hope I can guest-post for you sometime in the near future.