My single dude friends seem to be dropping like flies these days, trading the Single Dude life of traveling the world and walking down exotic beaches with even more exotic beauties, for the more domestic life of committing themselves full time to one woman. Now luckily it seems like the majority of my dude friends seem to be picking the right women this time to marry. Gone are the really bad decision wives that several of my friends chose (against my explicit advice) to marry and divorce in their 20s. Having learned somewhat from their previous matrimonial mistakes, my guy friends seem to choosing much better wives for Round 2.
Personally, I don’t intend on marrying anytime soon and possibly ever, but I realize that everyone is looking for different things in their brief time on this planet. I don’t have any ideological problem with my single dude friends getting married, as long as the girl is genuinely nice, cool and down to earth, and loves my bro.
Not to say that I haven’t intervened before when a friend was marrying the wrong woman. I spoke very strongly to Hank Hedgehopper about the absolutely ravingly insane bitch that he chose for his first wife. Yet, no one else said anything to him, he went through with it, she was a crazy bitch, and 5 years later he was divorced and over $100K poorer. His parents admitted they had similar misgivings before the wedding, but they didn’t say anything and neither did Hank’s other friends.
Ultimately, and expensively, Hank escaped and a couple of years ago married a new girl who is totally ok with me, and is quite happy with her. I think we all owe Hank thanks, though, for making a mistake that we can all learn from.
We’ve talked at length here at Single Dude Travel about making your life exactly what you want it to be. This extremely rewarding life philosophy takes comittment and focus to achieve: cutting the cord to Corporate America, rejecting the low quality of American mates, and opting out of the consumer culture of the fat, dumbass miserable American existence. It takes work. It takes time. And there are two common ways to throw away the fruits of that labor in a moment.
1. Behind the wheel or as a passenger of a car. One slightly too-drunk-to-drive home evening after the bar and a one second error can result in death, maiming, or serious lifelong legal issues. You have to be careful with cars, their power to fuck up lives in seconds is unparalleled.
2. Marrying the wrong woman, or even marrying the right woman wrong.
Now the advice I give all my single friends when they get married (to the right woman) goes something like this:
Look, dude, congratulations on taking this big step in your life. I can really see that you two love each other. But, my advice is, no matter how much you love and trust her, for God’s sake, get a very good lawyer to look over everything for you, before you get married, and then follow his or her advice and get put your legal and financial house 100% in order before the wedding. If everything works out in your marriage, this won’t matter at all, and just in case it doesn’t, this will really, really, be important.
I’m not trying to be cold-hearted here. But stories abound, and I’ve seen it all around me. Couples that were totally in love and 100% sure on their wedding day that they would be together forever get divorced every day.
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
Those are your odds, boys. Something everyone needs to realize is that marriage is, first and foremost, a contract. It’s a very strong contract. How many other contracts do you sign for life? But marriage is serious, and depending on the jurisdiction, is very hard to get out of without a lengthy, pain in the ass, expensive process. Even if you hold up your end of the bargain in every way, and it’s she that doesn’t follow through on that whole “love, honor, respect till death do us part” thing, you still are in for some serious shit when you divorce, especially if you didn’t have a good prenup, dude.
Any other business contract dudes sign in life are much clearer. I provide X, you supply Y, and if the other guy doesn’t live up to his side of the deal he is legally responsible and you don’t have to keep doing business with him. Marriage? Not so much. Where is the accountability in marriage? Who is checking up to see that terms, that you and she stood up in front of everyone and agreed to at your wedding, are respected? Nobody.
The odds for any marriage are a 50-50 proposition at best. So why aren’t all dudes protecting against the possibility of divorce? If you bought a house, and they told you there was a 50% chance that a flood would come wipe out your house, wouldn’t you buy some goddamned flood insurance?
For God’s sake, dudes, get a prenup.
People change. If you’re making a decision about what you’re going to want for the next 50 years of your life based on the last 2 years with some chick, that is quite the leap of faith. That’s like betting your entire investment account on a company that is 2 years old with the stipulation that you can’t sell for 20 years. If you did that, wouldn’t you at least buy some puts to hedge that bet?
“But, Charlie, I don’t want to hurt her feelings by suggesting a prenup. She loves me, dude!”
Shut up you retarded faggot. Would you sign a lifetime contract without negotiating the details? You’d just take what they gave you and sign? There is no getting around it, marriage is a contract, and no amount of pretending or ignoring that because it would “bring business into the matter of love” will change that fact. Negotiate that fucking thing line by line before you sign.
“But Charlie, she (or her parents) will think this is not good, and maybe she’ll be mad and back out.”
Good. If you suggest a prenup and that is a deal-breaker, then you have learned a critical piece of information before the wedding, namely that your fiancee is a gold-digger who doesn’t love you at all. What a stroke of luck to discover that before you marry that succubus. Just like a woman who insists on an expensive worthless diamond ring, a woman who won’t sign a prenup is not wife material. Jettison that baggage ASAP and thank me later. We’ll take a trip to Ibiza to celebrate.
But for God’s sake, dudes, get a prenup.
*author’s note: By the way, everybody, that is indeed billionaire Mark Zuckerberg’s
girlfriend wife in the picture above. That’s right, they got married on Saturday, right after he became a billionaire. I sure hope that dude got a prenup.