The Single Dude's guide to Singapore, Part Two - The Pros

Marina Bay Sands is cool but priceyIn my previous article on Singapore, I detailed the numerous drawbacks for the single dude to Singapore. Seen from that perspective, Singapore sounds terrible- high prices, gold diggers, fagbagsters, DAFFs, and retardation do not make a good single dude travel destination. But, in case you find yourself in Singapore for some reason beyond your control, don’t lose heart. You can make it work here if your skills are good and your bankroll is decent.

First of all, understand that a visit to Singapore is, in our opinion, only an acceptable idea if you’re being paid to be there. There are so many better, cheaper places to go on vacation in the region that blow Singapore out of the water, like Thailand, Malaysia, and the Philippines, to name a few. So these pros only apply if you’re being paid to be in Singapore, and paid well at that.

Singapore is a great place to meet very nice, cool, well connected door openers. There is a lot of money in the town and some of these guys are just unbelievably stinking rich. We find that there’s a lot of cool and friendly locals with with lots of family money and connections that are very nice cool dudes. Being cool, nice and friendly and helping those guys meet a girl or two is a great way to find yourself in VIP sections of the hot clubs, private planes, yachts, islands, and so on. This is one of Boris’ superpowers; where he goes he finds the money people who always seem to really take a shine to him. As I write this we’re sitting in our apartment in Manila with a live in maid that our new friends here lent to us for the next couple weeks. These guys have (as far as we know an incomplete list), a city mansion, a country mansion, a beach house, and an island. Believe us, it’s a good idea to be a cool dude and make friends with everyone you meet, you never know where it will lead you. I’ll make Boris write an article on this concept later.

Singapore also is filled with what we like to call business/banking douchebags (BBDs). We don’t like these dudes very much. They are typically lame and unfriendly Western dudes with identical striped long sleeved shirts (often with shaved heads in Singapore) who spend their days buying credit-default swaps with your grandma’s life savings, sausaging up all the clubs and buying hookers and coke. Basically they are the equivalent of the Eastern European mafia douchebags within a slightly more legal framework. Fuck those guys. The right door openers are usually not the white guys – the right guys to make friends with in Asia are the other guys, be it Asian, Indian, or Middle Eastern.

Singapore is also remarkable for its general attitude on prostitution. Never before have I been somewhere where it is as socially acceptable to openly discuss getting a hooker. If your colleagues ask you what you did last night, it’s totally ok to say you went to one of the local hooker bars and took a girl home. No shame required. Single dude Travel generally does not condone prostitution and if you have something going for you other than being a rich BBD you shouldn’t need it.

Singapore does have more going for it than money, however. The party in Singapore is all night long and 7 days a week. Other places might be cooler and have better parties, but if you want to get down on a Sunday-Tuesday night you can do it here. There’s also a lot of hot chicks here from all over the world. Singapore is basically just one big shopping mall, so try the mall to meet chicks, and don’t forget the girls working in the shops who are just waiting to be rescued from their retail prison. Another very good option is the stewardesses. Changi airport is an incredibly busy airport with a lot of long haul flights coming and going, which means lots of overnight or even multi-day layovers, so keep your eyes out for the hordes of hot stewardesses coming in from Dubai.

Another good lead in Singapore are the cougars. With money comes trophy wives and high end prostitution. Put those together and you have a lot of hot rich divorced cougars, and a lot of hot lonely married ones. The prostitution epidemic also makes it tough for regular smart professional girls with self respect to find regular non-BBD cool nice single dudes with some class. Enter the single dude traveler. Remember with cougars, be classy, discreet, and respectful. If it’s an affair, conduct it in private.

Singapore is known as the San Francisco of Asia. That means good food and gay guys. Even the straight guys are pretty faggoty – see Singapore Part One for our definition of the Asian Fagbagster. That means two things – gay wingmen everywhere and girls that are just dying to meet a real man. I find there’s nothing wrong with growing a little 5 o’clock shadow and going out a little rough around the edges. I’ve even had Asian girls rub their faces on my stubble on purpose with extreme pleasure; the Asian guys generally can’t grow stubble at all.

Singapore is an international city and one of my favorite thing about the place is there’s people from all around the world here. It’s super fun to go out and meet all these people with different perspectives and experiences and talk about their lives. As Mark Twain said,

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.

Word, bro. This is true of travelers in today’s Singapore. For example, I usually dislike French people for being lame, humorless, uptight, arrogant little prigs, but Singapore has a bunch of super cool, fun, nice French people that I got to be quite good friends with. Generally speaking, I think Americans and French people are cooler the farther away from their home countries they live.

The best thing about Singapore is its location. It’s in a super central location for exploring Southeast Asia. The airport is super close (less that 20 minutes by cab) and there’s cheap flight on discount airlines like Tiger Airways (retarded Singaporean airline), Air Asia (Malaysian), Jetstar (Australia) and many others. You can go to all of Southeast Asia for usually $100 USD each way, India is 4+ hours away, and Australia is 7. Anytime you have a weekend free you’ll save money and have a better time if you hop on a cheap flight to Thailand, Bali, or some other beach paradise and party there super cheap.

Here are some Singapore hotspots:

1. Clarke Quay (pronounced “key” for us Yanks)- the king of Singapore nightlife, CQ has all sorts of bars and clubs fitting all descriptions of nightlife (except cheap, of course). Of special interest is Wednesday, which is Ladies’ Night most places. The typical itinerary is Shot Bar for “cheap” ($6 SGD shots), then Le Noir for $18 SGD beers, then the hot club Attica after that. Make sure you make friends with some door openers or Attica will be hard to get into as a civilian unless you get there early.

2. Think that Clarke Quay is too cheap? Then try Marina Bay Sands, the new casino/shopping mall megaopolis that looks like three skyscrapers with a big boat shipwrecked across the top of the three. Want to buy your gold digger girlfriend a $5000 Hermes bracelet? This is your best bet. I went to the club there called “Ku de Ta”, (pronounced like the French coup d’etat) on a Wednesday and the view of the marina and most of Singapore was fabulous. But, my beer was $22 SGD, and it was crowded. There was a nice roped off section with tables though, and so I approached the dude manning the rope. Our conversation:

What’s up, dude?

Hello, sir, how are you this evening?

Great! Great view? So tell me how you get a table? Do you need to buy a bottle?

Yes, sir, we have a per table minimum that you must purchase.

How much is that minimum?

25.

25? 25 what?

25 hundred dollars.

Damn! And they don’t even bother to include the “hundreds” in the price. That $2500 SGD ($2100 USD) would pay your rent in a luxury condo in Manila for 4-7 months! In Singapore it gets you a table at the club on a Wednesday night with some gold diggers and maybe a couple bottles of Grey Goose with mixers. What kind of a retarded waste of money is that?

3. The Singapore Zoo is fantastic. There’s actually 3 zoos, the regular daytime zoo, the Night Safari, and the bird park. The Night Safari is particularly good for a date. What’s better than walking around in the dark stoned with a cute girl on your arm looking at all the weird dog-cat-deer hybrids, exotic sleeping birds, bats, and snakes? A little pricey, but recommended.

4. Sentosa – The island at the southern tip of Singapore is the place to go on the weekends. The Tanjong Beach Club is the beach party place when the weather is good and a great place to meet people. Make sure to BYOB if you don’t feel like paying $48 SGD for a bucket of 4 beers all day.

5. Other clubs – There’s lots of good boom boom clubs filled with super hot chicks all over town. My particular recommendations include Helipad on the top of the Swisshotel, Zouk (one of the top 10 clubs in the world by some ratings) and Steriolab in the Pan Pacific Hotel. This is a very incomplete list of clubs and the hot clubs are always changing, so just ask around, and have some door openers bring you along. Bring your checkbook.

6. Hooker bars – This is a Singapore tradition – bars filled with hookers and BBDs, tourists, trust fund kids, and regular civilians. Buying a hooker is neither necessary nor recommended. Brix in the basement of the Hyatt Hotel is a favorite with lots of shit-your-pants hot hookers and a fun scene with a great band.

The unquestioned king of the hooker bar scene is Orchard Towers. Called the “Four Floors of Whores” by locals, it’s a shopping mall by day and a hooker bar complex by night, all night, every night, with numerous different hooker bars of every different flavors, from Thai disco to country to the ladyboy hooker bar. Be careful! Nothing good happens in Singapore after 3 AM and nothing good happens in Thai bars outside of Thailand. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

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22 comments to The Single Dude’s guide to Singapore, Part Two – The Pros

  • Singapore Girl

    Everything is about perception… seems like he has the worst experience which resulted in such comments about Singapore…. Honestly, Singapore isnt a divine place per se… but its not exactly like what he mentioned.. so please discount this a little……

  • JJ

    Most of the hot oriental women are hookers. local Sg Chinese women are quite ugly compared to the rest of the orient

  • Joe

    Charlie….you give the term “shallow” and an entirely new meaning. Keep up the great work.

  • dave joposh

    I am staying here in Singapore for business and last couple days along Clark Quay hookers approaching me in the early evening. So I did a google search on ‘hookers in clark quay’ and found this site. I dont see why other commenters here are offended, I have traveled the world and never had so many hookers try to hit me up in broad daylight. So, if this is what is happening at Orchard Tower…. why not tell it like it is.

  • John76

    Charlie – well written. I have been travelling to Singapore many times for past 10 years. You describe the bar party scene well.
    And its pointless going into too much specifics as many bar names change annually.

    As for Kristina – we aren’t looking for a lecture on what women think here. Its not a single women’s guide.
    Although I sympathise with your plight, as well as that of anti Orientalism. But we dont expect to run into either of you at one of the bars mentioned either.

  • david awn

    Wow! it must have been a looong time since I felt like that or reacted this way…
    I did not know how low I descended…I am glad a lot of single-girls are offended by this article.
    this dude is all “penile”

  • kiwiben

    Haha brilliant write up mate. I never ever comment on peoples usually boring, mince-about blogs but had to on this one! im off to get 25 out the ATM now….

  • Jerry Thomas

    Its Thursday, just landed in Singapore for a 3 day business trip and am looking for a cool bar to hang out near Orchard, preferably with some good female talent. Any ideas?

  • Studley Grohard

    Charlie, I love the surname, and you’re clearly a cool dude. Keep on entertaining us man! And don’t listen to some of the rude ignorant fuxxwits out there!

  • Larry

    Go fu*k yourself

  • Rupert Pumpernickle

    Just got back from an epic campaign in Singapore. Stayed at Marina Bay Sands – off the hook.

    We are Hangover III meets Ocean’s 14.

    Recommended.

  • al

    You don’t know a thing about Spore,you idiot

  • Kristina

    I too am a professional woman looking for a good man and my advice: do not allow these articles to get your ire up too much. I read these articles as they give me a differing male perspective; many men who comment seem to live a similar lifestyle as the authors or aspire to live similarly.

    Women have to understand that most men are not the same creatures as we are no matter how much we pray to the matrimony deities.

    Honestly, the more I read, the more I envision myself staying single. I am not a leggy Latvian lass or a pleasingly pretty Filipina; my beauty is not the ideal or paradigm here in the United States. This realization does not diminish my self-view, it only tethers me to the phrase my mother was so fond of uttering, “A man is a man…”

    • Well, sounds like you’re a pretty reasonable chick, and being cool is worth a lot, especially long term. Men really just want a woman who genuinely accepts and likes them for who they are. I wouldn’t give up quite yet.

  • Anti -Orientalism

    1. “Singapore is also remarkable for its general attitude on prostitution. Never before have I been somewhere where it is as socially acceptable to openly discuss getting a hooker. If your colleagues ask you what you did last night, it’s totally ok to say you went to one of the local hooker bars and took a girl home. No shame required.”

    You got it wrong. It’s generally not socially acceptable unless you’re an angmoh douchebag whose main reason for coming here is to get laid, in which case it would be expected of you.

    2. “The prostitution epidemic also makes it tough for regular smart professional girls with self respect to find regular non-BBD cool nice single dudes with some class. Enter the single dude traveler.”

    Regular smart professional girls with self respect here are looking for a real man to build a long term relationship with. Not someone who’s just out for one night stands and wants to live like a rockstar but doesn’t want to pay for it. The writer of this article lacks class and is seriously deluded.

  • Bob Koh

    This was a good read but the details in the story have been embellished. No one says ’25 hundred’ in Singapore, we say it like the Brits ‘Two thousand five hundred’.

  • Valentina

    Aaaah yes, Singapore is fun! Can I add night markets!! Great cheap food!

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