In my previous article on Singapore, I detailed the numerous drawbacks for the single dude to Singapore. Seen from that perspective, Singapore sounds terrible- high prices, gold diggers, fagbagsters, DAFFs, and retardation do not make a good single dude travel destination. But, in case you find yourself in Singapore for some reason beyond your control, don’t lose heart. You can make it work here if your skills are good and your bankroll is decent.
First of all, understand that a visit to Singapore is, in our opinion, only an acceptable idea if you’re being paid to be there. There are so many better, cheaper places to go on vacation in the region that blow Singapore out of the water, like Thailand, Malaysia, and the Philippines, to name a few. So these pros only apply if you’re being paid to be in Singapore, and paid well at that.
Singapore is a great place to meet very nice, cool, well connected door openers. There is a lot of money in the town and some of these guys are just unbelievably stinking rich. We find that there’s a lot of cool and friendly locals with with lots of family money and connections that are very nice cool dudes. Being cool, nice and friendly and helping those guys meet a girl or two is a great way to find yourself in VIP sections of the hot clubs, private planes, yachts, islands, and so on. This is one of Boris’ superpowers; where he goes he finds the money people who always seem to really take a shine to him. As I write this we’re sitting in our apartment in Manila with a live in maid that our new friends here lent to us for the next couple weeks. These guys have (as far as we know an incomplete list), a city mansion, a country mansion, a beach house, and an island. Believe us, it’s a good idea to be a cool dude and make friends with everyone you meet, you never know where it will lead you. I’ll make Boris write an article on this concept later.
Singapore also is filled with what we like to call business/banking douchebags (BBDs). We don’t like these dudes very much. They are typically lame and unfriendly Western dudes with identical striped long sleeved shirts (often with shaved heads in Singapore) who spend their days buying credit-default swaps with your grandma’s life savings, sausaging up all the clubs and buying hookers and coke. Basically they are the equivalent of the Eastern European mafia douchebags within a slightly more legal framework. Fuck those guys. The right door openers are usually not the white guys – the right guys to make friends with in Asia are the other guys, be it Asian, Indian, or Middle Eastern.
Singapore is also remarkable for its general attitude on prostitution. Never before have I been somewhere where it is as socially acceptable to openly discuss getting a hooker. If your colleagues ask you what you did last night, it’s totally ok to say you went to one of the local hooker bars and took a girl home. No shame required. Single dude Travel generally does not condone prostitution and if you have something going for you other than being a rich BBD you shouldn’t need it.
Singapore does have more going for it than money, however. The party in Singapore is all night long and 7 days a week. Other places might be cooler and have better parties, but if you want to get down on a Sunday-Tuesday night you can do it here. There’s also a lot of hot chicks here from all over the world. Singapore is basically just one big shopping mall, so try the mall to meet chicks, and don’t forget the girls working in the shops who are just waiting to be rescued from their retail prison. Another very good option is the stewardesses. Changi airport is an incredibly busy airport with a lot of long haul flights coming and going, which means lots of overnight or even multi-day layovers, so keep your eyes out for the hordes of hot stewardesses coming in from Dubai.
Another good lead in Singapore are the cougars. With money comes trophy wives and high end prostitution. Put those together and you have a lot of hot rich divorced cougars, and a lot of hot lonely married ones. The prostitution epidemic also makes it tough for regular smart professional girls with self respect to find regular non-BBD cool nice single dudes with some class. Enter the single dude traveler. Remember with cougars, be classy, discreet, and respectful. If it’s an affair, conduct it in private.
Singapore is known as the San Francisco of Asia. That means good food and gay guys. Even the straight guys are pretty faggoty – see Singapore Part One for our definition of the Asian Fagbagster. That means two things – gay wingmen everywhere and girls that are just dying to meet a real man. I find there’s nothing wrong with growing a little 5 o’clock shadow and going out a little rough around the edges. I’ve even had Asian girls rub their faces on my stubble on purpose with extreme pleasure; the Asian guys generally can’t grow stubble at all.
Singapore is an international city and one of my favorite thing about the place is there’s people from all around the world here. It’s super fun to go out and meet all these people with different perspectives and experiences and talk about their lives. As Mark Twain said,
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.
Word, bro. This is true of travelers in today’s Singapore. For example, I usually dislike French people for being lame, humorless, uptight, arrogant little prigs, but Singapore has a bunch of super cool, fun, nice French people that I got to be quite good friends with. Generally speaking, I think Americans and French people are cooler the farther away from their home countries they live.
The best thing about Singapore is its location. It’s in a super central location for exploring Southeast Asia. The airport is super close (less that 20 minutes by cab) and there’s cheap flight on discount airlines like Tiger Airways (retarded Singaporean airline), Air Asia (Malaysian), Jetstar (Australia) and many others. You can go to all of Southeast Asia for usually $100 USD each way, India is 4+ hours away, and Australia is 7. Anytime you have a weekend free you’ll save money and have a better time if you hop on a cheap flight to Thailand, Bali, or some other beach paradise and party there super cheap.
Here are some Singapore hotspots:
1. Clarke Quay (pronounced “key” for us Yanks)- the king of Singapore nightlife, CQ has all sorts of bars and clubs fitting all descriptions of nightlife (except cheap, of course). Of special interest is Wednesday, which is Ladies’ Night most places. The typical itinerary is Shot Bar for “cheap” ($6 SGD shots), then Le Noir for $18 SGD beers, then the hot club Attica after that. Make sure you make friends with some door openers or Attica will be hard to get into as a civilian unless you get there early.
2. Think that Clarke Quay is too cheap? Then try Marina Bay Sands, the new casino/shopping mall megaopolis that looks like three skyscrapers with a big boat shipwrecked across the top of the three. Want to buy your gold digger girlfriend a $5000 Hermes bracelet? This is your best bet. I went to the club there called “Ku de Ta”, (pronounced like the French coup d’etat) on a Wednesday and the view of the marina and most of Singapore was fabulous. But, my beer was $22 SGD, and it was crowded. There was a nice roped off section with tables though, and so I approached the dude manning the rope. Our conversation:
What’s up, dude?
Hello, sir, how are you this evening?
Great! Great view? So tell me how you get a table? Do you need to buy a bottle?
Yes, sir, we have a per table minimum that you must purchase.
How much is that minimum?
25? 25 what?
25 hundred dollars.
Damn! And they don’t even bother to include the “hundreds” in the price. That $2500 SGD ($2100 USD) would pay your rent in a luxury condo in Manila for 4-7 months! In Singapore it gets you a table at the club on a Wednesday night with some gold diggers and maybe a couple bottles of Grey Goose with mixers. What kind of a retarded waste of money is that?
3. The Singapore Zoo is fantastic. There’s actually 3 zoos, the regular daytime zoo, the Night Safari, and the bird park. The Night Safari is particularly good for a date. What’s better than walking around in the dark stoned with a cute girl on your arm looking at all the weird dog-cat-deer hybrids, exotic sleeping birds, bats, and snakes? A little pricey, but recommended.
4. Sentosa – The island at the southern tip of Singapore is the place to go on the weekends. The Tanjong Beach Club is the beach party place when the weather is good and a great place to meet people. Make sure to BYOB if you don’t feel like paying $48 SGD for a bucket of 4 beers all day.
5. Other clubs – There’s lots of good boom boom clubs filled with super hot chicks all over town. My particular recommendations include Helipad on the top of the Swisshotel, Zouk (one of the top 10 clubs in the world by some ratings) and Steriolab in the Pan Pacific Hotel. This is a very incomplete list of clubs and the hot clubs are always changing, so just ask around, and have some door openers bring you along. Bring your checkbook.
6. Hooker bars – This is a Singapore tradition – bars filled with hookers and BBDs, tourists, trust fund kids, and regular civilians. Buying a hooker is neither necessary nor recommended. Brix in the basement of the Hyatt Hotel is a favorite with lots of shit-your-pants hot hookers and a fun scene with a great band.
The unquestioned king of the hooker bar scene is Orchard Towers. Called the “Four Floors of Whores” by locals, it’s a shopping mall by day and a hooker bar complex by night, all night, every night, with numerous different hooker bars of every different flavors, from Thai disco to country to the ladyboy hooker bar. Be careful! Nothing good happens in Singapore after 3 AM and nothing good happens in Thai bars outside of Thailand. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.