I Love Cougars!

A Study of Cougarism – The High Mileage Luxury Car

In today’s age of stupid young American girls it’s often very difficult to find suitable young, female American companionship.  This is why I love cougars.  They offer a very attractive alternative to young chicks and their hangups about sex and inflated feeling of self worth.  These days world cougarism is on the rise, and this is a very good thing for single dudes.

So there is always debate on the issue of what exactly is a cougar.  I offer the Single Dude Travel definition:

Cougar – An attractive single older woman with her own money and a strong sex drive.

Now why cougars?  There are lots of good reasons why you should go talk to that surprisingly hot 40 year old chick in the business suit over there at the country club bar.

Cougars have their own money.  The best way to be sure you’re avoiding a gold digger is to go find yourself a nice rich cougar.  I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to go to a bar and have a cougar start buying you drinks and trying to get you drunk for a change.  Especially in expensive places like New York or Paris or Miami having a woman with her own money is a very nice thing.

Cougars tend to much cooler and more fun than young girls.  Young girls have so many hormones going through their bloodstream telling them, “Get Married!  Get Married! Have babies!  Have babies!” that it makes them crazy.  As those hormones tend to thin out in the thirties, women start thinking more like normal people and in my experience can be much easier saner and cooler company, like a cool dude, just with female parts!

Women’s sex drive peaks much later than men’s, somewhere around 35 to 40 years old, so lots of cougars are totally sex-crazed.  Remember when you were 17 and you’d just get a boner in the middle of math class?  When you thought about sex every minute?  That’s what a cougar is like at 40.  I have heard this from many women of a certain age, that they didn’t really think about sex very much in their twenties, but once they hit their 30s they found themselves thinking about sex all the time.  This is very good for us single dudes.  Many cougars have no moral qualms about picking a hot young thing like you up and rocking his world for the night, and seeing you for a day or two when you come through town.  They are experienced, and know what they’re doing.  Sex is better for them because they don’t have the moral qualms that many younger girls have, so they can just relax and enjoy it.

Cougars know that they can’t just count on being hot without trying.  It’s hard to maintain your hotness as a chick into your late 30s and beyond, and it takes a lot of work.  Some of the most rockingest bods I’ve ever seen belonged to cougars who spent hours every day in the gym.  So maybe she doesn’t have the hottest face anymore, but I tell you a hot cougar booty so tight you could bounce a quarter off it after countless hours on the Stair Master is a pretty awesome thing and way hotter than some skinny/fat young girl who has never seen the inside of an aerobics classroom.

The next question is: how old does a woman have to be to qualify as a cougar?  The answer is that depends on where you are.  I say in America the number is 37.  In places where the girls get snapped up younger, or where hot women are more likely to have high powered jobs and their own money the age is lower.  In Russia and much of Asia cougarism starts pretty close to 30.

So I now offer my handbook to one of my favorite single dude activities – Cougaring!

First of all, you need to understand that cougaring has a very different playbook than regular girl hunting.  These girls tend to have their own careers, money, etc. and are much more secure about themselves.  Don’t try to “neg” them as the PUA dumbasses would suggest.  Be nice and open and don’t try to play games.

My general strategy is to go to a prime cougaring location like the Meatpacking District in New York, find a good cougar bar, order a beer, say hello, and then just be nice and cool and classy.  If a cougar is interested she will give you her full attention.  Cougars won’t allow themselves to be cockblocked, so you don’t even really need a wingman.  Be polite, be fun, but don’t be trashy.  Getting shitfaced is a bad move, as well as being loud or immature.

Be cool, easygoing, and respectful.  Cougars have seen some shit.  Usually they’ve been married to some rich asshole who traded them in for a newer model, or they caught cheating, or was just some fat slob who could barely get it up.  They have had their fair share of disappointments and reality checks and don’t think life is a fairy tale.  Thus cougars have much fewer irrational expectations.  They aren’t looking for Prince Charming, just for a hot guy who isn’t an asshole or a lunatic or a moron.  So don’t bullshit them and make them understand that you won’t complicate their life and make things any harder for them than they already are.

Be bold, direct, and confident. If you’ve been getting along with a cougar and she hasn’t already invited you over yet, go ahead and proposition her.  Say, “Well, I think it would be negligent of me to not invite you over to my place, or yours if you prefer.”  Trust me, she wants a man, not a boy.  Just don’t think you can be too dominant anywhere but in bed.  She eats guys like you alive at her $500,000 a year lawyer job.

Last time I was in New York, I headed over to Pastis, my favorite cougaring location in the Meatpacking District, and the first cougar I talked to thought I was super cute.  Within the first drink she said,”Want to go to my place?  I have coke, X, booze and the best weed in town.”

I said, “Can we bring my wingman and your girlfriend?”

“Of course.  It’s just around the corner.  I got it in the divorce.”

It was a pretty awesome place, with 3 levels and a rooftop balcony.  She didn’t work anymore after the divorce, although she expressed some regret that her ex-husband took the houses in Cape Cod and in the Hamptons!  Rough life.  She was a pretty hot potato, though, with a rocking bod sculpted by hours on the elliptical trainer and her boobs were the equivalent of her apartment, the best that money could buy.  She kicked me out pretty early the next morning, since her contractor was coming over to install some shelves that probably cost as much as my entire house.  As she put it to me that morning,

“Sorry to get you up so early, honey.  You’re cute as hell, but it’s just impossible to get a contractor to show up these days in Manhattan.  See you next time you’re in town?”

God, thank you for cougars.  They make the world a better place.

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