Fuck you, hipsters!

hipsters1

I hate you hipsters.  You make the world a worse place.  Every time I go out and I see all you losers sitting there at the bar with your shitty attitudes and bad fashion sense I just want to grab your Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle and start beating you over the head with it.  I know, that will ruin your ironic haircut and that would be such a shame, but at least you’ll write a shitty Emo song about it later.

Worldwide hipsterism is on the rise.  It is ruining entire countries and making single dude travel destinations like New Orleans much much worse.  France is all hipsters.  This movement must be stopped before it spreads everywhere … [Read more]

The Burkha Disgrace

Sexy Burka

Walking down the street in Kuala Lumpur is always an entertaining experience.  People from all over the world are here, from super hot Chinese daddy’s girls in miniskirts and high heels, to Indian truck drivers, to super overly made-up Iranian girls with fake boobs, drunk Australian DAFFs, Ghanaian kids kicking a soccer ball, and of course semi-retarded Malays loafing around everywhere.

But the thing that was the most shocking for me when I came to Malaysia for the first time five years ago were the Saudis.  There’s a lot of oil business that gets done here in KL, so there’s a bunch of Saudis working here and seeing them on the street is really weird.  First you … [Read more]

The Single Dude's Guide to New Orleans

saints chicks

A famous and classic American party destination, New Orleans, the city of jambalaya, Hand Grenades, Mardi Gras, Emeril, the Saints, Louis Armstrong, and Bourbon Street took a huge hit in the tragedy 2005’s Hurricane Katrina.  Boris and I made a brief visit there recently and are happy to announce that the party in New Orleans is still going strong.  Amazing food, lots of live music, and plenty of heavy drinking make New Orleans a vacation destination worth visiting.

But, New Orleans is not a great single dude travel destination.  High drink prices, stupid trashy locals, and the rise of hipsterism and douchebaggery have lowered the status of one of America’s former crown jewels to the back of the … [Read more]

Ambition is the ultimate aphrodisiac

La naissance de Vénus

Guys like to bitch that all women are gold diggers and asshole chasers. While this may seem true on the surface the truth at a deeper level is that assholes and successful guys who make lots money share the trait of being ambitious. Call them corporate douchebags, call them what you will, the ones who get first pick at the most desirable women have something intrinsic about them. If you were to ask them, these guys would tell you that you don’t need money or looks to get the girl.

I am inclined to believe them. Henry Kissinger famously once said: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”. He didn’t say money or looks or charm. He obviously observed from … [Read more]

Austin Guide Part One: 6th Street

texas chicks

Austin, Texas, an oasis of fun and liberalism, is a great American city.  Yes, I said it, I said something nice about America!  But in this case I have to, because this place is great.  Great food, an unbelievable music scene, lots of smart cool young good looking professional people, good weather, 7 day partying, and lots of great outdoor opportunities make Austin a great option if you want to have a great time in America.

To fly in, you can just go to the Austin Bergstrom Airport (AUS). There are plenty of cheap flights on Southwest and other airlines.  The Austin airport is also one of my favorite airports in the world because they often have … [Read more]

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 10

Haiku

And now, for a special edition of Haiku Corner, I will write about my favorite time of year…

Springtime. The best time.
Off come coats and heavy clothes.
Goods are on display.

Her flower smells bad.
Stay away from that action.
Nose clip and doggy.

Sun feels amazing
Remember sunscreen. If not…
You’ll turn to leather.

You must get in shape.
Girls do not like to whale watch.
Unless it’s Raul!’s…

It’s time for Spring Break!
Shots. Bombs. Contests. Loose women.
Don’t forget condoms.

Hey Boris and Charlie, remember my first day and night in San Jose, CR?

Playboy Bunny

What do Playboy bunnies, hookers, casinos, gay guys and heavy drinking at an open bar have in common? They were all there on my first day in Costa Rica. On my first trip to Costa Rica I arrived a few days after Boris and Charlie. They were there in our friend’s really sweet penthouse condo in Escazu, the rich expat suburb of San Jose. After I arrived the three of us amigos decided we would go and figure out what downtown San Jose was like. One word. Dirty. From the streets to the hookers. Dirty. The three of us headed into the famous Del Rey Casino which consists of gaming, a hotel, a bar and is loaaaaaaaaded with … [Read more]

Charlie's Rules for Womanizing

assorted girls

I am a womanizer.

Some people like fine wine.  Or cinema.  Art.  Literature.  Extreme sports.  French cuisine.  Classical music.  Yoga.  Guitar Hero.  I also like those things.  But for me the finest pleasure in life is ripping some hits on the vaporizer and spending time with a charming beautiful woman.

Now Charlie, you ask, why can’t you find one woman and settle down with just her?  Isn’t that enough?  To that I say:  How would you like to go to the same restaurant for every meal for the rest of your life?  Even if it was the best in the world that would be ridiculous.  Variety is the spice of life.  Some times I want spicy Mexican … [Read more]

Bansko, the Aspen of Bulgaria

Bansko

If Sunny Beach is the Cancun of Bulgaria then Bansko is definitely the Aspen of Bulgaria. I probably need to disclaim right off the bat I’m using the term “Aspen of Bulgaria” loosely here. You should not expect to catch Charlie Sheen doing coke off some hookers ass in the bathroom of a Chalga club or to see Jack Nicholson hitting the slopes with an 18 year old snowbunny on each arm. What I mean is that Bansko is the biggest, nicest and most expensive ski resort in Bulgaria and it’s a hell of a lot of fun. I don’t mean that it’s 100% high class, it is certainly not and still littered with Chalga clubs and … [Read more]

Friday Haiku Corner with ¡Raul! Vol. 9

Haiku

Join the ‘Mile High Club’
Best chance with Stewardesses
Or that grandmother

Make money money
You have to do it yourself
Learn your trade, Sucka!

Pot. Ladies. Party.
Booze. Art. Music. Culture. Food.
You guessed… Amsterdam.

Long flights really suck.
Prepare well. You’re almost there.
She’s waiting for you.