Today I’d like to rant a bit about one of the greatest scams going on in relationships in America today – The Diamond Engagement Ring Scam.
Now it’s pretty well established that men’s basic genetic programming is not for long term monogamy. Our most basic urge is to spread our seed as far and as wide as possible. For men, agreeing to a permanent single partner is a major concession.
For women, the basic desire is different. A women prefers on a basic level, a stable, monogamous partner who can provide for and protect them and their offspring. As women can have a very limited number of offspring, she wants to make sure that the ones she does have are well cared for.
So because of this, a regular monogamous marriage is pretty much a victory for the woman and a concession by the man. Yet in order to get a typical American woman to agree to marry, the man is required to buy her an expensive and useless diamond ring.
Why? Why does a man have to fucking bribe a woman with a fucking diamond? It’s he that is “losing” and giving up the possibility of all the other women in the world for the rest of his life! She should buy him a diamond! Or even better, something that the guy would actually like a gigantic TV, Super Bowl tickets, a motorcycle or a sports car.
Now the biggest culprit in this scam is the De Beers company, who basically created the tradition of diamond engagement rings out of thin air with brilliant marketing campaigns in the early to mid 20th century. They also created the so called “standard” that the ring should cost two to three the man’s monthly wage. To add insult to injury De Beers fixes the price by creating an artificial scarcity of diamonds. They are able to do this because they are a monopoly. Unfortunately the UK’s antitrust laws are not quite as robust as those of the US. The founders of De Beers are some totally worthless bastards that have made life worse for men everywhere.
And what kind of girl needs a ring anyway? I’ll tell you what kind: the wrong kind. The same girl who will take it straight to the jeweler for an appraisal the very next day. The same girl who will turn into a Bridezilla and waste a bunch of your money on a huge wedding that will drive you to the brink of bankruptcy. The same kind who will expect a lifetime of nail salon days for free and whole lot of other unreasonable shit from you for nothing. The same girl who will take half (or more) of everything you own if, heaven forbid, it doesn’t work out and you divorce. A girl who likes to have her cake and eat it too, that’s who. Don’t marry that girl!
Western marriage is a bad fucking business deal, period. See this supposed Craig’s list exchange for an outstanding articulation of just what a bad deal it really is.
My favorite are the girls who get engaged and immediately change their Facebook profile picture to a picture of their hand with the ring on it. That’s just terrible taste, and really indicative of the me-first attitude of these girls. How must their fianceé feel when they see that? Wouldn’t they feel better if the picture had the two of them in it, and not just the ring?
Men of the world, unite! No more $2,100 (2007 average) bribes for the privilege of never fucking anyone else for the rest of your life! If you go out with a girl and she says she needs a ring, just get the check and walk away. It’s a great litmus test and will save you lots of money and heart ache.
Time to take a stand, guys.
two words
mail-order. bride.
no diamond ring, no monogamy
I want to say this in many different ways:
1. The society has shaped the women’s minds to want bigger, more expensive engagement rings; some women however, has not been tainted by the zeitgeist of materialism.
2. Some men are just cheap-they would use the excueses shown in this article to justify not getting one for the love of their life, IF they even have/deserve one. But some men ARE economical, logical, and honest about how they feel about the issue of monies in marriage.
3. It’d be a real problem if the sole reason that women want to get married is to get a huge rock with a nice house and a submissive husband to give in to every whims. She better make the man proud to have her as his wife and that takes hard work and dedication.
4. When a man loves his woman so much and he is confident in her love for him, he will create this once-in-a-lifetime event for her with an item- whether it be a huge diamond ring or something sentimental that they can both remember and cherish. A smart and inspired bride will not let his token of love go unanswered. She buys him a diamond Rolex.
Not every couples’ situation will be the same–some might marry a conniving gold digger, some might marry a philandering narcissist; some might marry an abusive alcoholic, some might marry a spouse with some major baggage; some might marry a gazillionaire who kept it a secret to find someone who loves that person for who he/she truly is and the list goes on and on… It all comes down to respecting each other and knowing that you will always have that special someone who has made you a better person.
It’s not a waste if they deserve it.
I want to end this with a quote from Hugh Jackman’s character from SWORDFISH:
“You can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can’t take the trailer out of the trash.”
Read this guys and gals.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/
Good article.
Obviously the smartest thing is to not waste money on brain dead baubles and trinkets, but hey there is often pressure on the blushing bride to be. So consider buying the love of your life a cubic zirconium. Much lower cost than a diamond and indistinguishable from the real thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL6cBxn0U8A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvbKcAur7MA
Now here’s the test: if your potential bride is OK to go along with it, the wearing of a cubic zirconium that is, then there is hope for the relationship. If not, then it does not bode well for the future and you’re just buying yourself a shit load of trouble and debt.
Typical fool. People buy diamonds as they have investment value. Those like you than buy non-investment grade gem stones are idiots.
No dumbass diamonds are nothing but a monopoly created false scarcity scam.
Now you realize how eminently reasonable and just India’s dowry system is?
Can’t go wrong with Ancient skinhead civilisation.
Timur
Originally the idea was, the woman’s worth on the market was “reduced” if she got dumped after engagement, so an engagement ring was hers to keep as compensation for the reduction in value. This doesn’t really apply any more, does it?
if your girl ever asks you to buy a diamond ring, show her this video.
My mother died a few months ago.
We went to her house to sort through her belongings. You can be all “rellos descending like vultures” if you want, but who else is going to do it?
But I’ll never forget, first thing when they stepped through the door – daughter-in-law telling granddaughter “The Jewelry box! Find the jewelry box!”
And there it is. The jewelry box is where they keep their accumulated wealth. That’s what it’s *for*.
Here’s my perspective on the role an engagement ring actually plays in a relationship – it’s a tangible symbol that the male is able to secure resources and act as a provider, and ultimately, that is why it’s important to most women, whether they realize it or not.
From a biological perspective, a display of being resource-secure makes a male extremely enticing as a mate. Females are often drawn to males who are conspicuous consumers because conspicuous consumers give the impression of being so secure in their resources that they can be extravagant.
From a sociological perspective, there is a long history of men being required to demonstrate their resource stability before marriage – historically, however, it was usually the woman’s father/family that received whatever the bride price may have been.
The really fucked up thing in marriage at this point is the amount of money spent on the wedding itself – as mentioned above, two thousand dollars for a dress that will be worn exactly once and then put in a box and never touched again – and the shameless, shameless gold-digging that is the engagement party-bridal shower-bachelor/ette party-wedding gift extravaganza. Your friends and family should not be funding your honeymoon, furnishing your shitty apartment, or giving you the down payment for your house in exchange for a plate of dry chicken and two watered-down drinks, people.
@K – While I would like a pretty 2 ct conflict-free diamond, I don’t need it to marry the man I love. I’m perfectly fine with walking into a judge’s chambers and simply exchanging a white gold band with my man. I know he’s saving up for a ring right now. I told him to not spend even one month’s net salary on it — how ridiculous! I also told him I’d go in on the ring with him. Perhaps if my parents were paying for the wedding I’d feel differently, but I’ll be paying for it myself, with my fiance. Why should he have to pony up the money for a ring only I will be wearing? I don’t even expect a one ct diamond. I just want to spend my life with him (and maintain financial stability throughout). In Brazil (my home country), engagement rings are much smaller and simpler. My little sister was shocked at the of my cousin’s ring… she’s been Americanized!
Wow, what a cynical stream of rhetoric. It’s pretty simply really guys, a diamond ring is going to last, literally,more than another another millions years after the day your girl dies. The reason you’d give her one is that she’s going to wear it for the rest of her life. Whatever issues you’ve had with your failed relationships and gullibility, well, that your tragedy. I for one am proud to buy the woman that I love something that we will grow old with,something that we can both treasure and look back on with fondness. You don’t get the for $100.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, 2k on a diamond ring is cheap compared to all the cocktail bars you’ll have to go to in an attempt to get your dick wet for the next however many years.
So what you’re saying is a $2000 bribe to have sex with the same woman for the rest of your life is a better investment in getting laid than overpriced drinks in “cocktail bars”? Ok, I see your point.
But why bribe her at all? Does she not love you enough without it? And did she get you something of comparable value to symbolize her love for you, or is it just a one way street?
One of the first episodes of Frontline was called “The Diamond Empire.” It is only available in transcript form at their website but after watching it when it was broadcast, I swore I would never buy a diamond for anything except cutting steel.
The Diamond Empire
02.01.1994 (90 min)
Second only to Christmas, Valentine’s Day is the holiday when diamonds are most often given as the ultimate token of love. Central to the diamond’s role as a romantic symbol is the belief that diamonds are one of the rarest, most precious gifts for a loved one. But it’s only a myth–diamonds are found in plentiful supply. FRONTLINE examines how the great myth about the scarcity of diamonds and their inflated value was created and maintained over the decades by the diamond cartel. This report chronicles how one family, the Oppenheimers of South Africa, gained control of the supply, marketing, and pricing of the world’s diamonds.
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/frontline-the-diamond-empire/
As someone who recently graduated with a bachelors degree in chemistry (and biology), I’ll tell you that diamonds are seriously overrated. Diamonds are nothing but carbon, which is ubiquitous throughout the universe. If you need to buy your wife with a diamond, she isn’t worth it. But if you insisted on buying something expensive just to show how much money you are willing to waste on her (something we call in biological terms, conspicuous spending, it is considered an honest evolutionary signal of fitness [in this case, plentiful resources to care for young] because poor people simply wouldn’t be able to waste the resources), I would recommend a precious metal, such as platinum, as they are much more finite and if some sort of apocalyptic event were to occur you could use it as a catalyst for chemical reactions.
Try this the next time you see a woman with a big rock on her finger: Ask her what she would take in trade for her diamond. How about a cruise? A Week in Paris? “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly. This represents love, commitment, blah blah”. Maybe a car? A boat? Nah! There is one thing, and one thing only that a woman will trade her diamond for (which she will do without a blink) and that’s a bigger diamond. Which shows the only purpose of a big rock is to rub her friends’ noses in it.
Not going to rehash, but want to say that I completely agree. I suppose if you are very rich and have money to burn on that kind of thing and you want to give an expensive present…go for it, have a ball…but it pained me to hear my sister’s fiancee (now husband) confide in me that he was having trouble keeping up with credit card debt…BUT HE BOUGHT HER AN ENGAGEMENT RING! Not just a solitary diamond, either, but also a ring of smaller diamonds around the center one. Why? Why? Why? If you truly love your fiance, wouldn’t you rather see him…say…pay off his student loans? I know I would.
To be brief, my sister is married now and I must say it really pissed me off when she revealed the DIAMOND WEDDING BAND that ate up the majority of her husband’s family’s contribution to the wedding expenses (which I also think is a crock of S, but that’s for another day). WTF does she need a diamond wedding band for? I can see where this is going. He’s going to be in it to her for a tennis bracelet for every anniversary here on out, I know it!
For what it’s worth, I did the thing that you suggested, probably thinking no American woman ever would…I was semi-engaged (let’s not get into the ugly details) to a young man at one time and before he ever took me to the jewelry store, I bought him a $2,500 computer with all his dream specs that I found crumpled up in the wastebasket. For some reason I couldn’t identify, I felt it was only right. I am not comfortable just taking, taking, taking without giving back. My mother just raised me differently, I suppose, because I was never clued in on this whole make-him-work-for-it-for-the-sake-of-making-him-work-for-it thing.
………..
And no! I’m not fat! I even have all of my teeth!
You’re an angel! I hope your ex-fiance bought you something nice back. When it’s an exchange like that it’s nice.
Great comment! I hope all young men get the opportunity to be semi-engaged to a woman like you.
Great read! Thanks for making my day that much better. I was just taking a quick break form work, and this really improved my day.
Boys, when your girl wants a diamond ring, make her watch “Blood Diamond”…tell her its with Leonardo Dicaprio…Then maybe she would change her mind…I hope…
I completely agree with this article. Diamond rings are useless. Any woman who really loves her man won’t expect him to spend a ridiculous amount of money on what basically amounts to a shiny thing that will end up collecting dust in a jewelery box somewhere.
I’m a little surprised, actually, that you didn’t mention one other ridiculously expensive and utterly useless thing that women commonly “need” for weddings: fancy wedding dresses. $2000+ for a dress I’m going to wear once? No thank you. I’ll make my own.
But kudos to any man who shuns the diamond industry and just gives his girl his love instead. That, to me, is more than enough.
Hi Ali, you’re awesome. And good point on the wedding dress – totally on the money with that.
… But all joking aside, I really am sad you feel that way. There’s people out there just waiting to love you, if you’d just open your heart to them. I truly wish you the best, and I hope you do find the woman for you who deserves a big diamond ring (whether you choose to buy one for her or not).
Why are you sad to hear that I feel I shouldn’t be required to buy something expensive for a girl to love or marry me? I don’t get that.
Whatever you say, Boris, my sweet!
I think for many women, its more about the symbolism rather than just the ring. An engagement ring is more than just a diamond; its a promise, a commitment, and also knowing that another person WOULD spend three months pay on you because they love you that much (much more than they could ever love the money in their bank account) and couldn’t imagine not having you as their wife for a lifetime. An engagement ring symbolizes a love that is more than money, and that’s why people give diamonds, and not something cheaper like a box of chocolates or a bouquet of roses. I think you’re pushing a lot of great people out of your life with the belief that money is somehow more valuable than love. Of course, someone who loves you really wouldn’t need an engagement ring if it was out of your reach financially, but to exclude the idea altogether is to exclude the idea of finding someone so wonderful that the importance of money seems like a distant memory in comparison of what you have together. It’s not a fairytale.
I agree with you wholeheartedly K. Let’s get married! I will buy you a huge rock as a symbol of my commitment. I would like you to buy me a new Ducati as a symbol of yours. All kidding aside this is more typical bullshit. Why does the man have to make this big commitment and the woman has to do nothing? Why when the marriage fails, as they so often do, does the woman run off with half of the man’s wealth even if all she did was sit on her fat ass eating bon bons in his house throughout the marriage? That’s not equality that’s bullshit. I’m all for equality. While you’re out shopping for Ducati please register for the draft. You diamond ring girls are pricing yourselves out of the market, I’m going to shop elsewhere. I know plenty of places where there are no shortage of women that actually deserve a big diamond ring whether I choose to buy one for her or not.
K, thanks for your input. I think you’re probably a nice girl that has just received a little too much cultural programming via chick flicks, fairy tales, etc. More power to you if you can get what you want. Look us up on facebook and let’s be friends.
+1
K,
Saw your comment about the diamond ring being a “symbol”. If it’s just a symbol, then the guy should just buy a 1-carat zirconium ring and call it good. Sorry, but the whole notion that a guy needs to “prove” his worthiness to a woman by spending a lot of money, is just ludicrous. If anything, I’d think he’s an idiot for not being more fiscally responsible. Now THAT is a cause for not marrying. As for the wedding dress, I’d have a huge amount of respect for a woman who were smart enough to just rent it.
I think it’s really unreasonable to say that any girl who expects an engagement ring will turn into a Bridezilla or take advantage of you financially. That’s straight up sexism. Your view of marriage is so shallow and unhealthy. Obviously you’ve never been truly in love if you think marriage is just about “never fucking anyone else for the rest of your life”. Marriage is about finding someone who’s your best friend, someone so wonderful you couldn’t imagine your life without them, someone who will grow with you and ALSO have great sex with you. Its sounds really cheesy, but it’s true. And if you’re being honest, wouldn’t you rather have that than a series of empty fucks? To the guy whose comment is above me, obviously you’re hanging out with the wrong people if you there are no great marriages out there. All of you are only going to see what you want to see, and if that’s unhappy relationships, then that’s fine for you. But one day you’re gonna realize that life isn’t worth anything without people who love you by your side. Getting to fuck those people for the rest of your life is just a bonus.
Hi K, thanks for your reply. I appreciate your viewpoint. For me personally while I hold a pretty dim view of marriage, I haven’t ruled it out totally. However I think that the diamond ring issue is a fairly good litmus text to determine what kind of woman you have. I’m not interested in marriage with any woman who needs something more than just me to be with me. How would you feel about your relationship if you had to buy your fiancee something in order to get him to marry you?
K,
The very fact that she expects a diamond ring is taking advantage of the guy unless she intends to give something back of equal value. It’s totally not sexist at all to point this out. It’s sexist for a woman to expect the man to give her something of significant value in order to engage in the union of marriage while having absolutely no intention of reciprocating with a gift of equal value back to him. If you believe men and women are equal than you must logically support the concept that either a.) a gift of equal value is in order for the man OR b.) no gift is exchanged at all. Anything else is a blatant contradiction of any concept of “equality.” I’m all for equality. Your position is “straight up sexism” not ours.
Where was this advice 10 years ago when I needed it? I am ashamed to admit I fell for this scam. I thought I had it all at one time. Youth, health, friends, prosperous business, and a beautiful girl by my side. I would go as far as to say, she was a perfect physical specimen, with a loving and fun personality to accompany that. Her common complaint was that she couldn’t go in public without “some jerk” giving her some proposition of some sort. Being quite naive at that junction in my life, we went to look for a “promise ring”. (If your asking WTF is that? I don’t know either, it seemed to make perfect sense at that time.) We ended up at some exclusive jewelery store to check out our options. The owner must have seen sucker written all over my face when I walked in, he dismissed the sales clerk that was attending us to “give us his personal services”. Let’s just say I walked into the store with one expectation and ended up with another. I would give you guys the dollar amount, but it would only add to the enormity of my stupidity.
So now we can sail into the sunset and live happily ever after… isn’t that how the story is supposed to end? Well things didn’t quite go in that direction. After another great year together, guess who decided to screw things up? As much as I would like to write that it was all her fault. It was entirely mine.
Do you guys remember Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley? Remember when Hugh got caught with that ugly ass hooker? Well at that time, every guy I knew was thinking out loud, ‘why would you go and screw around with that pig, when you have a dime waiting at home?’ Well I found out why Hugh did it. In simple terms. If you ate your favorite food everyday, such as steak and lobster. How long before you would have a craving for some fast food at the local greasy spoon?
The question I have to ask, now that I am somewhat enlightened. Why do guys still do it? I still have friends that are far more intelligent that me (the bar is set very low) that I send the infamous do not marry essay and they still believe that they can beat those odds. I would like anyone to tell me a marriage success story, because I haven’t found one yet… I have traveled extensively and met couples from all walks of life. I am sure they exist because the movies tell me so. My personal experience is that after a few drinks and “the subject” comes up, most guys would trade for my life. I am disappointed, because a part of me, still wants to believe that there is a happily ever after.
Fiancé is for men; fiancée is for women.
As for the whole shebang I agree wholeheartedly that it’s a ridiculous scam but in all my years of considering these things I’ve never considered it in the way you did in your second through fourth paragraphs. Quite brilliant.
Absolutely! This post is on the money!
I have a close friend who was high up at De Beers and he always warned me not to get a diamond when I got married.
He said they are 99% marketing bullshit and in HUGE supply. He said De Beers sat on enormous stockpiles of diamonds
in order to drive up the price and only continued mining to give the appearance of demand.
Nice guys they are for deciding that a man is obliged to spend 3 months salary so he can get married!
Scam is right.
Well the diamond is just the tip of the iceberg… let’s not forget the wedding, then the honeymoon, then the white picket fence, and so on…
We need to call for a diamond boycot!