Hey you! Yeah you, the less attractive, less friendly girl standing with the really cute girl at the bar I just met and realized I have lots in common with. You know, we’re actually hitting it off! She really smiled as soon as I came up and started talking to y’all and really seemed delighted to meet me.
But now you’re fucking everything up.
I’m trying to talk to your really cute and nice friend who shares my interest in travel and music and books, and you keep interrupting. And then you try to get her to turn away from me to talk to you. Or you drag her off in the middle of our conversation. Why are you being so rude to me? I’ve been nothing but nice to you the whole time, and have ignored your little bitchy comments to me just because I like your friend. If I just met you alone and you talked to me like that you would have been put in your place a long time ago.
So your really cute smart friend tells me that she’s been single for a looong time. Like over a year! For such a cute nice girl that seems really weird. Hmmmm, I wonder. She tells me she has trouble meeting guys. Weeeird…
And now you’re being a bitch again. When I tried to take her to the dance floor, she told me, “my friend doesn’t like it when I dance with guys.” We danced anyway, but when we got back to the bar you were waiting there for us looking pissed off, and then you dragged her off again.
It’s like you’re her bodyguard! Every time I try to talk to her you’re there in the way acting really negative. Help! Where is my wingman? Oh that’s right, you drove him off long ago and now he’s already making out with a new girl. Fuck!! Good for him, though, she looks really cute.
Now when I ask for your friend’s number you tried to stop her from giving it to me. What the fuck? Why would you do that? I got her number anyway, you bitch.
Now what did you do? We made a date to go out for tonight, and then a couple hours later she called and backed out. She sounded so excited to go out when we talked on the phone the first time. What did you say to her? What did you do?!?
Now I see why she’s still single. It’s you. You are the worst friend she could have. You’re single, because you’re ugly and mean and negative and you don’t want your friend to be happy. If she had a boyfriend it would just make you feel even worse. So you ruin it for her too.
Fuck you! Fuck you!! Fuck you!!! You make the world a worse place. Why would a girl want to be friends with someone like you is always a mystery to me. Maybe you grew up together. Maybe you work together and she doesn’t have any other single friends to go out with. Or maybe, you’re the uglier meaner stupider sister and you don’t want to sit through another wedding day alone. For whatever reason, you’re a blight on your friend’s life. You’re like Arafat turning down peace for his people. You’re like Kim Jong Il and you’ve brainwashed your people into thinking this shit is normal and acceptable. You’re miserable and you’re taking her down with you.
Fuck you, you cockblock!