A plea to stag parties

Stag PartyA Plea to Dudes Worldwide (Especially the English):

Please guys, we know it’s fun. I love my guy friends. It’s super fun to hang out with the guys and go out and watch the game or play sports or just go out and get super drunk. But for travel, the big stag trips just don’t work for what we’re trying to do and furthermore make it harder for everyone else.  Eastern Europe, courtesy of the discount airlines like Ryanair and others, is quickly becoming a huge sausage fest and making it hard for everybody to get laid.

I lived in the summer of 2007 in Prague, in the Czech Republic. It’s a beautiful town with a lot to offer culturally, cheap beer and beautiful women. The problem though was that 10 years ago the city was crawling with beautiful friendly and supposedly easy women and word got out. Then Ryanair started flying huge groups of tourists in for super cheap out of the UK mainly, and inspired by the stories of easy beautiful women and cheap beer, the English stag parties started coming like locusts. Today, Prague is one of the worst places in Eastern Europe to meet girls because it’s been completely overrun with the hordes of drunk English dudes.  Bars after 11 PM in Prague routinely have a 4-to-1 guy-to-girl ratio. If you approach a Czech girl in Prague and try to speak English nowadays you’re likely to get completely shot down with the “I don’t speak English” routine, or simply ignored. To meet Czech girls the summer I spent there I had to learn to speak Czech (which is an super difficult language) and do all sorts of advanced game playing bullshit with these girls just to get a clean slate with them.

Today’s Lesson 1: Avoid Prague, the English have ruined it for everybody.

Lesson 2: Don’t be the guy who comes over for just a couple quid on the cheapo airlines with 12 of their best bloke friends and gets super drunk in the bars by 10PM and then starts drunkenly hitting on every hot or not chick he can focus his double vision on, who then goes home a couple of days later and a couple hundred quid poorer and wonders why he didn’t get laid on his trip to Bulgaria.

Large groups are intimidating and unattractive to these girls. Also, like everyone, when you or I hang out with so many guys friends at the bar, it’s pretty much impossible to not get totally fucked up, and being obviously drunk is the best way to not get past square one when you meet a girl.

So please guys, pretty please, don’t do this. You’re ruining it for everybody. Especially you English guys. Your English stag parties are by far the worst offenders. If you’re English you already have two strikes against you. I don’t know how many strikes you get in cricket, but in baseball that means you have only one more chance. Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys. Whenever I see an English stag party at the pub I always come over and have a drink and everyone is always super friendly and we often drink a bunch of shots and get hammered before I go on my way, but when you travel and want meet a girl she’s not going to be into it. Don’t be like the rest of your drunk asshole football fan (DAFF) countrymen. Travel in smaller groups, or if you have to travel in larger groups split into smaller groups when you go out.

Do you get it? Stag trips are the best way to not get laid and ruin it for the rest of us. Please guys, help us all out.

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15 comments to A plea to stag parties

  • Funnily enough Hen Parties can be even worse and while men don’t normally argue with the rest of the group.. oh boy can hens/bachelorettes get seriously bitchy and angry. Lets face: anglo saxons drink way way too much!

  • Po Pimp

    The English have been ruining great spots around the world for centuries. It’s what they do.

  • Dave Allen

    Americans are often very embarrassing when they have had a beer or two. Something to do with prohibition that means they are not even allowed to touch alcohol until they are nearly thirty and then only with a passport!

    Why don’t you take to wearing a baseball cap or a subtle stars and stripes motiff in your clothes. I can assure you that most Englishmen do not wear that kind of thing.

    For your info Cricket doesn’t have a system of strikes mostly your either out caught or because the bowler has thrown down the stumps (the sticks behind the batsmen). The full list is here http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/rules_and_equipment/4180344.stm. Also if you had the pleasure of meeting up with Cricket fans (though they can be a bit partial to a drink) they do tend to be better behaved than say football fans.

    Maybe the reason your not having any look is that loads of Eastern European women have moved over to London and perhaps only the more traditional ones are left behind!

    ps I really like the blog, though this page is a bit rubbish

    • Po Pimp

      ** I can assure you that most Englishmen do not wear that kind of thing. **

      Nope, I agree with you there. The typical Englishman motif is shaved head, terrible tattoos, stupid looking earring(s), pasty skin (under aforementioned tats), Man U jersey about 3 sizes too small for the current beer gut girth, black socks, sandals, and seriously fucked up teeth. I mean really, I’ve seen rakes that look better than most Englishmen’s teeth. You can spot a Pom a mile away no matter where you are in the world.

  • The British would not be so bad if they had hot women of their own to contribute to world wide pool of hot bang-able women. But oh no! British women are the second most ugly women on earth. And then their men (except for a select few like KrauserPUA) ruin things for all the rest of us. The Aussies are also DAFFs, but at least their women are hot!

  • Good Article… unfortunately, I fear resistance is futile.

    Krakow – RIP
    Riga – RIP
    Tallin – RIP

    and some day, my beloved Kiev will fall prey to the same faith… how depressing.

    • Riga is not RIP, Riga is awesome. We didn’t see a single stag party there. Maybe it depends on the time of year. Don’t know about the other two.

      • We were there around Christmas.

      • Boris,

        I hate to tell you but Riga is VERY full of English Stag parties. I know because I went on one in November last year. They even have hostels especially for these people. The beds are bolted to the floor!

        Fortunately I went with the nicest bunch of guys, and whilst we got messed up, we didn’t go nuts or hit on all the girls. Our ‘Stag guides’ a cute local girl, who I pity so much for the shit she must have to put up with was pretty surprised at how nice we all were, and cause we didn’t try and grope her!

        I even ended up having a lovely conversation with a very intelligent stripper for 15mins – who was studying criminal psychology and spoke 5 languages. Sadly I didn’t get her number, but I didn’t pay her a cent and I got a big hug and a kiss on the cheek when i left for being the ‘nice guy’

  • Which size is the optimal group?

  • Jim Wilson

    I apologize on behalf of my country men.

  • ashley

    well ive never been out of the us other than a trip to cancun once but i see it in america 2 and those bachelor parties are icky. that bunch of guys in a limo, eww

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